Page 7 of To Wed a Laird
It was too late, however, since her frightened reaction told him that he had gone too far and made himself look cold and fearsome. Yet ever since his wife had died, he had been obliged to wear that mask more and more often to hide his hurt, fear, and anger. He had to look strong for his men, who would never follow a weak leader, and for Elspeth, since she needed a protector, although he had utterly failed in that duty up till now.
Cormac’s mind drifted back to the new governess. With her hypnotic eyes and glossy red-brown hair, as well as her seductive figure, she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.
However, now he was overtaken by a feeling of shame and guilt. Catherine had died only a few years previously; surely it was too soon for him to be thinking in these terms about another woman?
But those eyes…
Suddenly, he was jerked out of his reverie by the sound of Elspeth’s distinctive wavering scream, followed by the loud slap of two sets of footsteps. He was not surprised by the piercing noise, since it was not particularly unusual, but was it a scream of rage or a playful scream of delight? And who was following her?
With a heavy sigh, Cormac tossed back the rest of his whisky and got to his feet, then advanced towards the door, hesitating for a few seconds to compose himself before he opened it.
When he stepped out into the corridor, he found himself standing between Elspeth and the new governess. A moment later, Nell appeared behind them, but he shot her a warning look to keep quiet. This was his moment, the moment when he would show his authority not only as master of the castle, but as a father and guardian.
He stood still, cursed inwardly in frustration as he looked for his daughter, finally seeing that she had disappeared behind a thick velvet curtain. Again, he felt angry with himself that he had let matters reach this point of desperation.
He shifted his gaze to the governess, yet the second he looked into Rose’s eyes, he felt himself sinking into their dark depths again. She was frowning, a worried expression that creased her brow and made him, to his astonishment, want to put his arms around her and wipe it away.
He groaned, then quickly looked away, full of guilt at his disloyalty to Catherine.
“What is it this time?” he asked tersely.
It was Nell who spoke up eventually. “She found out that Rose is her new governess,” she told him. “An’ she wasnae very happy about it.”
Cormac looked over at the curtain behind which Elspeth was hiding. He could see her movements, yet she was silent, but he knew that as soon as he approached she would likely try to bolt again. However, he would not let her evade him.
“I will handle this,” Cormac said grimly.
He strode over to the curtain and wrenched it aside, then looked down at his daughter with a furious glare on his face. Elspeth was standing with her arms crossed, looking up at him with a defiant gaze.
“What kind of way is this to greet someone who has only come to teach you and look after you?” he demanded. “Apologize and show some respect, then go back to your room!”
Elspeth stood immobile, glaring up at him. “No,” she said. In the silence, the word sounded like a slap.
At that moment, Cormac’s temper snapped. “Do not dare take that tone with me,” he yelled. “I will not stand for it. Now go to your room!”
Elspeth’s defiance broke down then, and she began to weep, then turned and ran back to her room, her footsteps echoing from the walls.
Cormac’s eyes followed her, and he felt a stab of shame at having taken out his frustration on his beloved daughter. Yes, she was behaving badly, and as a father, he had to discipline her, but he could have been gentler—much gentler. His anger faded away, leaving him with other, even less welcome feelings of shame and guilt.
He turned to find Rose watching him, standing still, her hands clenched into fists, watching him closely. She said nothing, she did not have to because the expression on her face said it all for her. If her dark eyes had been daggers, he would be dead by now.
Somehow, the look on her face affected him even more than Elspeth’s behaviour had. He felt his shame deepen as he wondered if she thought he was a bully; he certainly felt like one. He knew he had a reputation for being strong and fierce, but he never wanted to be known for mistreating those who were weaker than he was.
Abruptly, Rose turned and followed Elspeth, then Nell came up to Cormac’s side. Her blue-grey eyes were soft with sympathy as she rested her hand on his shoulder.
“This one is different,” she said softly. “I have a good feelin’ about her. She looks as if she understands what Elspeth is goin’ through because I think she might have suffered the same way herself.”
Cormac rubbed a hand across his brow and closed his eyes, feeling as though the weight of the whole world had descended on his shoulders.
Before his wife died, he had had a shoulder to lean on, someone to confide in, someone to whom he could pour out his heart and with whom he could share his joys. He had also had a partner to help him shoulder the responsibility of the estate.
Since Catherine’s death, however, he had no one with whom he could share those experiences. As well as that, he had to be both father and mother to Elspeth, and although he had a great capacity for tenderness before, he could never have the same soft and gentle touch as Elspeth’s mother. Catherine had been one in a million, which was why it was so hard for him to find someone even remotely like her, he could never imagine himself with anyone else.
Cormac sighed heavily and patted Nell’s hand. “Do you think so?” he asked.
“Aye,” Nell replied. “I have faith in her.”
Cormac frowned fiercely. “I hope you are right, Nell. Otherwise, she will not last a week.”
