Page 12 of Don't Leave
With a tilt to her head, she asks, “How do you feel about that?”
I nip my lower lip, pinning it in place as I consider how truthful to be. If there’s one place where I can admit the unvarnished truth and lay myself bear, it’s in this office.
“Confused,” I whisper.
“Why do you think that is?”
I shrug, not understanding it myself.
“Before we sat down to talk, I’d wanted to avoid him. Seeing him was an ugly reminder of what had almost happened.”
“But it no longer feels that way?”
“No. Talking everything out with him felt…freeing.” I glance away for a moment, attempting to wrap my mind around the strange thoughts and feelings that course through me. “The entire time I was at Dartmouth, he’s the only one who tried to help me.”
“I suppose that’s true.” She picks up her note pad and jots down a few things. “Even though your interaction was fleeting, it was enough to forge a connection between you two.”
“Yes,” I admit, relieved that she understands, “that’s exactly the way it feels.”
How could it not?
How could I not feel something more than friendship for him?
I suppose that’s exactly where the confusion stems from.
“It’s not uncommon for people who have a shared traumatic experience to end up befriending one another and becoming involved in each other’s lives.” She allows those words to sink in before asking, “What kind of feelings are you having for?—”
She looks at me, brows raised, waiting for me to supply a letter.
“Ah,W.”
For Wellington.
Luke Wellington.
Since Dr. Thompson works with a number of students on campus, she’d previously asked me to use a letter when I referred to someone in our sessions.
My code letter for Cole wasM.
For Mathews.
Cole Mathews.
“What kind of feelings are you having for W?”
My fingers twist together in my lap as I consider the question. It’s a nervous habit I picked up within the past year. “I’m not sure.” There’s a pause. “I want us to be friends but...”
When I remain silent, she encourages, “But?”
I shrug, not wanting to verbalize my feelings. It’s as if releasing them into the atmosphere will be a betrayal to Cole. And I don’t want to do that. Not even here in this office.
“We barely know one another and yet I feel this strange closeness to him. It doesn’t make sense.”
“Is that necessarily a bad thing?”
“I don’t know.” I glance away, my gaze getting drawn to the window. “It makes me feel guilty.”
“Guilty?” she prompts.
