Page 32 of Don't Leave
When Cole’s muscles tense, nerves explode in the pit of my belly. “You went home with Luke?”
I pull myself up until our gazes can lock. I need to see every emotion as it sweeps across his face in the moonlight that filters in through the large window. “Only because I couldn’t find you.”
But that’s not altogether true. Seeing him head upstairs with his ex-girlfriend in tow had my chest tightening and left me fighting for breath. Suddenly, I’d felt claustrophobic with the press of all those bodies closing in on me. Even conjuring up the memory is enough to have my skin prickling with unease.
“Did he drive you straight back here?” His voice is whipcord tight as he fights to stay calm. After seeing Luke and me atthe Union a few days ago, he doesn’t want us spending time together.
I hate that my answer will only cause more problems between us.
“We stopped for coffee.”
“You couldn’t find me, so Luke swooped in and took you out?” There’s a razor-sharp edge to his voice. One that pricks because I didn’t do anything wrong. After the way we shared our bodies with one another, can’t he understand that he has nothing to worry about where Luke is concerned?
Cole is the one I love.
The only one I want to be with.
Luke is nothing more than a friend. I can’t help but wonder if I’m the one who has something to be concerned about. Cole hasn’t bothered to mention that his ex is here at Western. Or that she was at the party tonight.
Why is he keeping it from me?
All of the good vibes from moments ago dissipates as I sit up and gather the sheet around my naked body. How is it possible that all the love and trust we’ve managed to forge between us has disintegrated in the blink of an eye?
My voice stays level as I attempt to explain. “I was feeling claustrophobic with the amount of people there and he recognized that and was only trying to help. That’s it.”
Needing space to breathe, I pull the sheets with me as I leave the bed and collect my small pile of clothing. Even though he hasn’t come right out and accused me of anything, that’s the way it feels.
“Cassidy, come back here.”
Just as his strong fingers wrap around my upper arm, I jerk out of his grasp.
“Don’t!” Without thinking, I snap the word out before spinning away. I don’t like being grabbed. Even though I knowCole would never hurt me, it still makes my heart leap and my chest tighten.
His face falls as he stares at me from the bed. I yank the tank top over my head before stepping into my shorts and sliding them over my hips.
“I’m sorry.” His tone is low, almost pleading. “Please, don’t get upset. It just feels like he’s waiting for me to fuck up.”
“It’s not like that,” I say. Irritation fills me.
With my back to him, I grab a rubber band before gathering up my hair in a ponytail. I need a moment to calm everything raging within me. As I squeeze my eyes closed, I take another deep breath and try to settle the chaos in my head.
There are times when it feels as if everything will be okay. When the days slip by with no incidents, and I pray I’ve experienced my last anxiety attack.
But then something will happen and the feeling of being out of control yanks the rug out from beneath my feet. It brings everything—all of the steady progress I’ve been fighting for— crashing down around my head.
It makes me wonder if I’ll ever bemeagain.
The me who didn’t suffer from anxiety attacks.
The mewho wasn’t bothered by being grabbed or touched.
The me who didn’t care about huge crowds.
I want to be me again…the normal one.
Sometimes it feels like that girl died an ugly death last year for being young, stupid, and making mistakes. Drinking and getting herself into a bad situation…one she almost didn’t come out of unscathed.
Except I didn’t escape unscathed, I remind myself. But it would have been so much worse if Luke hadn’t stepped in and gotten me out of the situation when he did.
