Page 56 of Don't Leave
“Cole?” It kills me to see the unhappiness that is written across his face and the tension filling every muscle of his body. What hurts most is that I’m the one who caused it. All I want to do is reach out and smooth away all the hurt and anger filling his eyes.
But I don’t.
It’s as if there is an ocean of uncertainty sitting between us and there doesn’t seem to be a way to breech it.
Time slowly ticks by before he drags his bruised eyes to mine. A dull ache rips through me. This is the first time I’ve felt likehe’d prefer not to look at me. He inhales, holding the air captive in his lungs for a beat or two before slowly forcing it out.
“I don’t like playing games. It’s not who I am.”
I nod. Cole is one of the few people I’ve met who refuses to engage in that immature bullshit. It’s just another reason I fell so hard for him. He was always so upfront about everything he felt for me and what he wanted. It was as refreshing as it was scary. Even though it took me some time to trust him with the truth of my past, eventually I did. That was a huge step for me. I don’t trust people easily.
Not anymore.
That has everything to do with Cole and the kind of person he is. I couldn’t have taken that leap of faith with anyone else but him.
I realize that even if he doesn’t.
“And I can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s going to play games with me.”
My eyes widen as everything in my world tilts precariously. It’s almost as if I can’t suck enough oxygen into my lungs.
“I’m not playing games,” I whisper.
His expression never falters. “I think there’s something going on between you and Luke.”
I shake my head in denial. “No. We’re just friends. You know that.”
He breaks eye contact and stares out the window into the swirling darkness for a painful heartbeat.
“I don’t know. It feels like something’s going on and I don’t want to be the dumbass who gets cheated on again.”
I lean forward, my body straining toward his. “We’re nothing more than friends. I had no idea he would be at the library today. It was a coincidence.” I stare pleadingly at his profile until his gaze slides back to mine.
“But you weren’t going to tell me about it, were you?” It’s more of an accusation than a question.
I close my eyes for a moment and try to figure out how to best answer his question. I owe it to both of us to be honest about what I feel, not only for Cole but for Luke as well.
“I’m not sure if I would have mentioned meeting Luke at the library.”
Hurt and distrust flash in his golden depths.
I rush to add, “But not because I was doing anything wrong.”
“Then why not?” His gaze sifts through mine, searching for answers. “Why not be honest about it?”
My teeth sink into my lower lip as I confess in a very small voice, “I know you don’t like when I spend time with Luke.” Even though I want to reach out and physically connect with him, I keep my fingers tangled together in my lap.
“You need to tell me the truth, Cassidy.” His voice drops, sounding as if it’s been scraped from the bottom of the ocean. “Do you have feelings for Luke?”
As much as I want to reassure him by vehemently denying the question, I can’t.
What I want most is to be worthy of Cole Mathews. And being worthy means being honest even though it might cause him pain. I take a moment to sift through my feelings for Luke before I give him an answer.
“I feel very connected to him,” I admit. “He helped me when no one else would and I can’t let that go. I know he feels the same way about me. We’re nothing more than friends.”
He leans forward, inching closer to me. It’s like we’re two opposing ends of a magnet desperately trying to connect with one another.
“You know he wants you, right?”
