Page 7 of Don't Leave
“I did show up at your practice the other night. I remember you from the girls team last year and you were such a goodplayer.” There’s a pause before he adds, “I’m glad you didn’t quit.”
Warmth blooms in the pit of my belly as I reach out and cover his hand with my own. “I’ve been playing on the intramural team for a few weeks now. It’s turned out to be a lot of fun and there’s no pressure. Not like there was before. Like I said, you don’t have to worry. I have everything under control.” With one final squeeze, I pull my hand away so we’re no longer touching. The physical connection between us feels somehow dangerous.
Like a match strike to kindling.
The last thing I want is for something to explode between us.
The way he searches my eyes for answers to questions he has yet to ask scares me because I can’t give him anything more than friendship.
“I’m glad you’re doing so well.”
I lift my lips into a smile, hoping to reassure him. “I am.”
Is it possible I’ve overreacted to the situation and the peculiar feelings that have sprung up between us?
After today, Luke will go his way and I’ll go mine. Maybe, at some point, we’ll run into each other on campus or at a party. When we do, I won’t feel the need to avoid him. We can be friendly.
Or maybe we can be friends.
Who knows?
That’s when I realize I’d actually like to be friends.
How ironic is that?
I’ve tried so hard to run from him these past couple days and now that we’ve sat down and cleared the air, I realize our shared history has unexpectedly bonded us together.
“Does Cole know what happened to you?”
Breaking eye contact, I jerk my head into a tight nod. “I didn’t tell him right away.”
It doesn’t take long before my gaze shifts to his. “He hadn’t known that night you’d said something at the restaurant.” There’s a pause before I push the rest out. “That’s why I lied about it. Lied about knowing you.”
He tilts his head and clarifies, “But he knows everything now?”
“Yes.”
When I’d met Cole two months ago, I hadn’t been looking for a relationship. I hadn’t felt emotionally equipped to deal with one. The last thing I’d wanted was to explain my past to someone who might turn around and judge me for the mistakes I’d made.
In hindsight, I should have realized he wouldn’t think any less of me. But still…stripping yourself bare is scary prospect. And divulging my past—all my mistakes and failures— hadn’t been easy.
Luke’s eyes turn fierce and something within me constricts. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You know that, right?”
I give him a forced smile. The truth of the matter is that I’m still embarrassed about everything that transpired last fall. I made a lot of mistakes.
Failing out of school.
Losing my athletic scholarship.
Getting kicked off the hockey team.
Drinking.
Sleeping around.
All of which had led to a fractured relationship with my family.
“I’m still working on that part.” On forgiving myself.
