Page 90 of Don't Leave
All the hopes and dreams we’d talked about roll through my head. Even though we’d been young, we’d still planned out our future. It takes a moment to realize that when I think about the years stretched out on front of me, it isn’t Jackie standing beside me, holding my hand.
It’s Cassidy.
We might not be together but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about her all the time. Or that I don’t still love her. Maybe it’s too early to be thinking about a possible future for us, but we have a connection that needs to be explored. And I’m nowhere near ready to let that or her go.
That’s when it hits me that if Jackie and I were still together, if she’d actually attended Western freshman year, I wouldn’t have met Cassidy. We wouldn’t have had the chance to get to know one another or fall in love.
Maybe there’s a reason why we ended the way we did. It hurt like hell and made me question everything, but that doesn’tmean it wasn’t for the best. It’s almost a surprise when the anger and resentment festering inside me dissipates.
As I stare at Jackie, I realize that it really is over between us.
Even though I don’t love her anymore, I no longer hate her. This is the first time in a year I’ve been able to think that.
“Is there’s any chance that we can start over?” she whispers.
Here’s another startling realization—I don’t want to hurt her. Maybe a different kind of guy would be relishing this moment and looking to mete out a little justice, but that’s not me.
I shake my head. “No, there’s not.” I’m not sure why I say the words, but they feel right slipping off my tongue. “I’m sorry. It’s just not going to happen.”
She squeezes her eyes closed as a few more tears trek down her face. “I didn’t think so, but I had to ask.”
Unsure how to respond to that, I nod.
“Is it because of the girl you’re seeing?” she asks in a small voice.
For a moment, I remain silent, reluctant to share any private information with her. My personal life is no longer her business. But then I decide that regardless of Cassidy, Jackie and I are still over, and nothing will change that.
“We’re not together right now.”
Emotion flickers in her eyes. “But you love her?”
“Yes,” I admit softly.
I honestly can’t imaginenotloving her. I suck in a breath as that thought rips through me. Today has been a day for revelations. And like everything, maybe that needed to happen as well.
She glances away from me before nodding in understanding.
Another heavy silence falls over us.
Just when I wonder if this will turn awkward again, she says, “If you love her, don’t let her go. Don’t make a mistake you’ll end up regretting for the rest of your life.”
My eyes widen as they lock on hers.
“I won’t.”
As I stare at Jackie, I know without a shadow of a doubt that there was a time when I loved this girl more than anything else. But that time is over. What we had has run its course and there’s no going back and trying to salvage it. Choices were made that sent us both spinning down different paths. Our connection no longer exists.
But it doesn’t have to be that way with Cassidy.
There’s still time for us to reclaim our relationship. I’d thought I was doing what was best for both of us when I ended things. I’d wanted to give her time to sort out her feelings. But maybe the truth is that I’d been scared of getting my heart ripped out for a second time. Maybe I’d allowed fear to consume me.
Maybe what I’d wanted was for her to prove that she wanted me more than she wanted Luke Wellington.
In hindsight, all I’d done is push her into the other guy’s arms.
“You’re a good guy, Cole,” she says. “You deserve to be happy.”
“So do you.” As the words slip free, I realize that I actually mean them. “I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”
