Page 122 of Nemesync
During our return back to the penthouse, I found myself lost in my head again in his car.
My thoughts drifted to Luna.
She would have found this little day we just had so cute and amusing, she would’ve been smiling and giggling because a man is treating me this good.
Grieving was hard; it had a way of resurfacing even in moments of improvement.
The ache of her absence felt like a steady heartbeat beneath this joy I pretended to feel. The guilt, this feeling that I didn’t have the right to live when she didn’t have the chance to do so. It’s always here,always.
You killed her Zanae. You let her die.
Not now please. I’m happy, please not now.
Elijah’s hand found its way to my thigh. It was like a sign that he, too, was present in this moment, it wasn’t just the voices anymore, he was here.
It was quiet, simple, but his delicate touch offered me some hope.
The song playing inside the car was calm and beautiful and seeing him driving his hand on my thigh to try to comfort me brought back a feeling I thought I lost a long time ago.
The feeling that I was worthy in the eyes of someone.
I loved the way he was attentive to every little detail about me. He played music in the car, even though he liked quiet drives. He did it because he knew that when it was quiet, my demons were louder in my head.
“Come back to me,Milaya,” he said, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
Come back to him Z.
The tip of his fingers traced long patterns on my skin.
Up and down, up and down.
Focus on that Zanae.
He then just squeezed my thigh and said, “Any song you want to listen to right now?”
My poor heart loved the way he was taking care of me.
I paused for a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips, and replied, “Surprise me.”
The music became our companion every time we were in his car. His fingers subtly selected a track that filled the car with a melody that I particularly adored.
I couldn’t help but feel cherished, the song, him, it was too much. I only wantedthiswith him.
Whatever ‘this’ was, I wanted to live it with him.
I felt the need to do something I never thought I’d do one day, nevertheless with this man.
“Could you find a place to park?” My voice uttered quietly, uncertain about what I was doing.
A desperate and violent beat threatened to explode within me.
You need him Z.
You need him Z.
You fucking need him Z.
I do need him, and I need him now.
