Page 177 of Nemesync
I looked at him, shocked. “But...”
He cut me off, grabbing my face and forcing me to look him straight in the eyes. “No but, Zanae. I leave daggers near thebodies of every man who approaches you since you were young. Everybody knows that the dagger means the Pakhan did it. Your father knew damn well that it was from me, and he couldn’t do anything about it. This was the first time I traced the contours of the dagger on a man’s skin. I wanted to make Elias understand that the more he let those bastards talk to you and touch you like that, the more violence I’ll unleash. He fucking knew that I would resurface each time and take away their miserable lives.”
“Elijah, why did you do all this?”
The darkness in his eyes drew me to drown in it, to dive headfirst into it. “Because I was and still am obsessed with you. With the thought of having you at my mercy. No one else ever had that privilege. The daggers were what made your father calm down on those meetings and missions he organized so often back then. He provoked me, and he had to deal with his damn actions.”
My voice was low and muffled. “But the Outfits would have known it was you too, right? Haven’t you thought about what it could have caused? They could have declared war on you, Elijah!”
His gaze didn’t change, but a small, mocking smile appeared, as if he found it adorable that I worry about something so trivial, which was definitely not the damn case. The Outfits were dangerous, and everyone knew it.
“Milaya,the Outfits are under Niko’s command and mine. He has appointed a second in command in Chicago to run his affairs in the city, and even if they wanted to rebel and declare war on me, I would have welcomed it and turned that battle into a fucking graveyard. You’re worth it all.”
I let my head fall onto his chest, letting everything sink in. This man is completely crazy and completely unbalanced, but he has always done this for me. He’s willing to do anything to make sure I’m okay.
Of course, Niko holds supremacy over all the families, but I assumed the Chicago Outfits had gained considerable autonomy from the Cosa Nostra over the years.
“Eli….”
He chuckled, the resonance of his low voice palpable beneath my forehead while I attempted to regain composure.
“I am the Pakhan, not just here, everywhere. I’m one of the two leaders of the Zennites. If I want to declare war on your father tomorrow, which I dream of doing, I will, and I won’t hesitate for a single second. When it comes to you, I am ready to do anything to ensure you are well. No one, not even I, can cause you pain, Zanae. And anyone who challenges me on this, will not have time to understand what is fucking happening before I rip out their still-beating heart out of their chest and offer it to you in a bloodied box.”
I gazed at him, torn between fear and a strange mix of flattery and warmth. “At times, you terrify me, Elijah.”
His eyebrows furrowed as his hand tenderly caressed my cheek. “Why?”
I pressed his hand against my cheek to savor the sweetness it brought to my heart. “Because I’m afraid that you’ll want to hurt me again.”
He cupped my face and kissed the tip of my nose. “If the monster in me ever takes over, I will kill it myself. You know very well that I would never dare to cause you any damn pain. I would fucking end my own life before such thoughts even reaches my consciousness.”
I wholeheartedly believed him, watching as the green in his beautiful eyes re-emerged, and the darkness dissipated. Even now, I could see in them how haunted by the shadows they were when they met mine.
Every fucking twisted choice, every drop of spilled blood for my sake won’t make me back up from that man. I won’t makehim feel guilty, it’s fierce and primal. The danger he willingly faced, the moments when darkness consumed him…I won’t change him for anything, he goes above and beyond to give me peace.
I leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. “You’re beautiful.”
His face was as beautiful as his soul, dark and marked with experience and scars but so beautiful. I couldn’t help but trace the lines of his features. His enchanting green eyes, his sharp jaw, his full lips, everything on him was perfect.
“Beautiful? I’m more the weathered type,Milaya.”
“Weathered, beautiful... it’s all the same. You’re my Elijah Volkov.”
His head tilted as he asked softly, “Even after what I just told you?”
“Even more.”
His eyes widened and his pupils grew bigger, then they softened as he understood the depth of my feeling toward him. “You’re killing me.”
I couldn’t even understand what made him connect with me as much as he did.
He needs light, I’m the opposite, I’m too broken to heal every part of him, I’m still trying to do the same for me.
I was lost in my thinking while looking into his eyes, zoning out in them, that deep forest.
Then my gaze went to the window. Outside the sky was full of stars, I wanted to go out and feel the air on me.
“How about taking me for a ride on your motorcycle tonight? I’d love that, Volkov.”
