Page 233 of Nemesync
Not now, I couldn’t dissociate now.
The thing is, apart from the silence of his office, only his voice remained and the tone of it matched the one inside my head. The one that always screams even if I try to reassure myself.
“You’re still the same, my Little Angel. That fear in your eyes... so delectable.”
I couldn’t move, it was like I was reviving that night.
I was still this helpless girl, and he just abused me, all over again.
His hand touched my jaw slowly. “I never told you this,” he continued, his voice dripping with malice, “but you know your little friend with us that night? She wasn’t here because it was an accident. We knew you loved her, and it was just fair for her to suffer because of you. This was her idea, the woman you’re searching for. You’re a demoniac little angel, a poison.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, and the cold metal of his gun pressed against my back.
Luna was here because I loved her, she was raped and assaulted because she was my best friend, and she ended her life for that too. I couldn’t even think about anything else. My mind was closed, his hands, his breath against my skin, everything felt like I was drowning all over again in this pain.
I was alone with the monster.
Alone with him.
Alone with myself.
My skin burned; the voices screamed so loudly I thought my ears might bleed from the cacophony.
I could feel his hands everywhere, ripping my underwear, the pain etched so deep I couldn’t face my reflection for months.
Because I felt disgusted.
Because he left such destructive scars and bruises on my body that I covered them with new scars of my own. Because he left my blood drying on my thighs for so long that I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror without throwing up for months.
Because he left death on my own skin forever.
He became the architect of my ruin, of my destruction, and there he was again, picking up all the pieces I tried to put back together, just to break them again and again.
Brian’s urgent screams echoed in my earpiece, urging me to act, to break free from Lukas’s suffocating grip, but I couldn’t move.
I wasn’t the one controlling my body; the demons inside were in control. The voices in my head screamed at me as loudly as Brian’s voice, but I didn’t do anything.
I let him touch me again, making me feel weak again, and Elijah wasn’t here to save me from this man.
I was alone with him, and it was all my fault.
His gun is on your fucking back.
You’re stronger than you were before Zanae WAKE UP!
For a moment, time seemed suspended.
I fought with all I had to regain control, my soul wrestling with the trauma that threatened to engulf me.
“My dirty little slut, I knew you would grow up well, so fucking beautiful.”
You see? A dirty little slut.
You’re stronger now Zanae, You’re stronger now...
Finally, the last drop of determination broke through my paralysis. I took a deep breath, and in one swift motion, I twisted away from Lukas, using all the training Eli and Niko taught me, to disarm him and reverse the power dynamic.
Transform all that pain into power Zanae.
