Page 248 of Nemesync
“Well, you better get back to your man before he sends out a search party.”
Brian hugged me then left.
Sitting around the table, their eyes kept drifting to me while I devoured the food like it might disappear any moment from my plate.
The faster I ate it, the faster I would stop forcing myself and avoid throwing up.
Elijah watched me eat, his beautiful green eyes holding an authoritative gaze on me. “Slow down, Zanae. You’re not in a race. You’re going to choke on your food.”
With my mouth full, I replied, “I’m good, no need to worry.”
Nikolai chuckled, exchanging a glance with Elijah.
Their worry might be excessive, but it’s nothing new. I know they show their love with that kind of demeanor.
“It’s good to see you like this, Z. You had us all scared back there.”
How can I stop trying when he says things like that? I can’t keep lying to them, pretending everything is okay. But I love seeing them this relaxed; I don’t want to bring them more danger than they already face every day.
You’re weak. So, fucking weak.
You want to die. You want to die. You want to die.
I tried to eat faster to close my eyes and stop hearing them inside my head.
I hate them, I hate them, I fucking hate them.
“Do you need anything?”
I managed a smile at the two of them. “I need to eat without an audience.”
“And I need you to promise me something. No more putting yourself in harm’s way like that.”
I can’t promise something I can’t fulfill, Niko.
You’re so weak. They’ll hate you. You’re going to bring them destruction and chaos, just like you did with everyone before.
Please stop.
I feel like I can’t breathe, like I could die if I tried to stop them screaming.
I was struggling to drown them out.
“You sound like Elijah,” I finally let out.
Elijah added, his voice deep, “Because we both care about you,Milaya. A lot.”
I just nodded, but inside, I was crumbling.
I was lying to them. I was even lying to myself.
I didn’t want to scare them with my thoughts.
It’s just too fucking much.
Everything overwhelmed me. I was so tired of thinking.
My head was full, and it was exhaustinglypainful.
