Page 256 of Nemesync
“Red suits you better.”
For the first time, hopelessness felt hopeful because I was wishing that beautiful things would find my new family.
I hope the stars will find someone else to gaze upon them and love them as I did. I hope Niko will find love just as I did. I hope Elijah can forgive me for this because tonight, I’m ending it all, but my soul belongs to him, forever and beyond. I hope Miranda and June find someone who makes them feel valued. I hope Brian finds her peace, and Ben finds solace.
My energy drains away, and simultaneously, I feel the demons going away.
Finally...
My heart becomes lighter, filled only with immeasurable love for the man who, unfortunately, isn’t present and who will likely detest me for this.
“Will you forgive me for choosing the easy way out, Elijah, when you’ve done everything to help me survive?” I ask to the emptiness around me.
I wonder if letting the bullet take me that day would have been easier; I wouldn’t have this knot in my stomach at the thought of missing the most beautiful thing I have ever felt.
I want to cry, but I can’t anymore. I have no more excuses to cling to, maybe in another life.
Maybe he’ll forgive me then, and it will help him rediscover how much he deserves to be happy and loved.
“God, you failed me, you failed Luna, but please don’t fail him,” I beg, one last time, pouring my whole soul in that prayer.
The water around me has turned red, and I’m drowning in it, no longer feeling the chill seeping into my bones.
I’m numb to everything — sensation, emotion,life.
I don’t feel cold anymore; I don’tfeelanymore.
The green isn’t as vibrant as it was, the night-sky isn’t as bright as it felt, and the forest has turned entirely black.
My eyelids grow heavy, and Elijah’s voice reaches me through the door, calling my name, pleading with Nikolai to search the floors.
The bathroom door opens, but I lack the energy to open my eyes. I’m cold, and it’s dark.
I sense that I’m no longer in the water and feel the man I love holding me without even seeing him. I don’t see light, but for the first time in years, I don’t hear any voices.
All I hear issilence.
The last thing that reaches me is a final whisper, a gentle caress for my mind, “You won’t die in my arms,Milaya.”
Elijah
I hope it’s not what I think.
Maybe she’s just feeling down because of what happened. I wish I could walk in and find her sitting beautifully on the sofa, and with a kiss, reassure her. But deep down, I know it won’t be that easy. I sensed it the moment I looked into her eyes this morning.
I knew something was amiss.
I abandoned her, left her alone when she needed me most. I didn’t have to attend that damn meeting.
Fuck them all, fuck everything.
She’s the only one that matters.
When we arrive at the penthouse, it’s just silent. I screamed her name, but no one answered.
I asked Niko to look upstairs, but I heard the water still running in the bathroom. I ran there and opened the door.
I wanted to tell her that I love herforeverand that she’s the most incredible thing that the earth has witnessed. But then, forever felt like asecond.
