Page 258 of Nemesync
I buried my head in her neck. “Don’t do that to me Zanae, I won’t survive it.”
We rushed through the hospital doors, nurses and doctors, alerted by my screams for help, came to us.
“SAVE HER! She can’t die!” I pleaded.
She can’t leave.
She fucking can’t
In the emergency room, they worked relentlessly to stabilize her. I stood there, my head between my hands, on the edge of despair, each passing second feeling like an eternity.Helpless, I couldn’t do a fucking thing, I just observed them tending to her injuries, hands bloodied, tears ready to fall, my heart pounding in rhythm with the monitors.
If her heartbeat stopped, mine would follow instantly.
The cold reality of the situation faced me, she fucking wanted to go, it’s not just sadness, she wanted to end everything.
She believed herself undeserving of life.
This time things would be different. I would be here; I would fight her demons so fiercely that they would be scared to come back. I will bring her light in her life even if I’m full of darkness.
No voices, no demons will survive.
She exists, and I am destined to be her protector.
I savor a taste of life on this earth thanks to her mere existence. Even nirvana pales in comparison, if it means waking up each day to look into someone’s eyes and find a reflection of your own damn soul. She battles hell every day in her mind and still manages to bring me paradise.
But my love was exhausted, she had enough of this, and I can’t take it.
I know the darkness within myself, to realize that the only heaven I am destined to know is the one she generously offers every day.
“I love you enough for you to learn to love yourself in the meantime,Milaya.” I whispered promises to her unconscious body, as if she could hear me, “Return to me, don’t you dare leave me.”
Why would she want to go, isn’t she happy with me? Am I not enough for her?
I look at her face, searching for answers.
She looks so pretty, I wish I could see her pretty eyes open too, to witness her beautiful smile once more.
I wish she could see how worthy of life she is, how much I ache for her happiness.
I could watch her forever. I will never let her go.
Niko looks at me, his eyes red with pain and sorrow, and then at Zanae, lying on that white bed, resembling an angel, my angel.
His lips tighten, and he says to me, “She won’t leave today, Elijah, but she’s not feeling well.”
I stare at him, but my gaze feels disconnected from reality.
I’ve never felt so hollow and empty in my life, not when I lost my father, nor my mother, not even when she was shot.
To think that these bastards slowly killed her, draining the life from her to the point where she wanted to end her life...
I’ll make them live hell on earth, and for her, I’ll make her experience paradise to the extent that she never wants to leave this world again. I make it my primary mission, to make that beautiful face smile every day she opens her beautiful eyes.
Come back to me, Milaya, don’t drown in your own fucking misery. I will save you; I promise you.
I always thought that the worst pain I could ever feel was losing someone and not having the chance to live my life with them.
But this is different.
