Page 260 of Nemesync
I kiss the picture softly again, “You’re still beautiful, Mamochka.” And I close my eyes, still waiting for Niko and Benny.
Why do I feel so alone?
They’re still here and I am still with them. Just one last night as a family. Just one.
I need to focus on something. Lets just count.
1-2-3. I remember that little girl. She was adorable.
4-5-6. She smiled at me.
7-8-9. My eyes finally closed.
My father’s fingers won’t move and my mother’s face won’t smile in my head again.
But I can see something other than blood and red.
10. Finally, Sleep.
Amber eyes.
My nightmare felt better than real life. It was less painful. I had the angel there waiting for me, with big amber eyes and a smile.
The nightmare was calm. She just smiled and laughed, under so many stars. The ones Mamochka loves so much.
It felt like happiness, even though it was super dark, and I was alone. But my angel appeared again.
I can’t smell the horrible scent anymore. Whenever my mother’s face came back, I would just count to ten and find my Little Nightmare with golden eyes waiting for me again.
Even if it was a nightmare, it felt like dreaming.
And I found sleep again.
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9.
10.
She’s here again.
I love my nightmares after all.
Now I was alone in the dark, but no amber eyes were waiting for me. No stars, no happiness.
10.
I was alone, again.
And my dark angel was leaving too.
Am I so undeserving of love? Am I not enough to live for?
“If anyone hears me, I beg you, I need her. Take me and give her life again,” I pleaded to something bigger than me, bigger than us, if such a thing existed.
I need Zanae to survive.
Fuck! I’m watching her die and I can’t do anything to change it! It hurts so fucking much.
I finally let myself love, and now it’s being ripped away.
