Page 265 of Nemesync
I lifted her face and looked straight into her eyes.
Those beautiful flames that felt like home for the evil in me softened from pain and suffering.
“Zanae, you don’t understand. You’re the only light I see when I can’t even see any colors. You’re the light at the end of the tunnel that I’m waiting for. I’ll always pull you out of that hole in your head, always, and I’ll do it because I want you to experience the life you deserve. I’ll do anything for that, I’ll do anything foryou.”
She brought her lips close to mine and kissed me.
Salty tears dropped on her cheeks and my mouth. Heaven awaited between our lips, and my heart ached at the thought of her crying.
She then pulled away and said in a small voice, “Thank you for not hating me, thank you for always saving me, and thank you for pulling me out of there.”
She settled back on my chest and fell asleep while I continued to stroke her hair.
Niko looked at me. He overheard our entire conversation, his eyes filled with sadness. He then just nodded towards me and left.
Eventually, she became more open to healing, more willing to coexist with her demons and fight them.
Her will to live began to outweigh the will to die.
I couldn’t resist kissing the scars on her wrists.
They were a reminder that she was present, here with me, and I felt fortunate to hold her heart in my hands, blessed to be loved by her and to love her so deeply.
My Zanae was resilient, stronger than anyone, and I was immensely proud of her.
In the stillness between medical procedures and therapy sessions, I held her hand. I knew that the healing process would be long and hard, but she would never be alone again.
No matter how deep the darkness, dawn would always come if her strong heart was still beating within the cradle of my grasp.
Zanae
Silence.
Everything was silent around me, in this room.
I could hear my heart, feel every faint shiver on my skin, read clearly every thought in my head. But it was still so far away.
A ghost, a residual fear.
My internal pain tried to kill me.
I tried to end it, to make it stop, make the guilt go away.
Thinking was my only occupation. I pondered everything—my condition, my illness—because depression had coursed through my veins for a long time, before grief amplified it.
And I somehow grasped how death might have healed my wounds but would have shattered my heart even more. I would have lost the opportunity to be with the only person on earth who genuinely makes me want to fight—for myself, for him, and for us.
Today, Ben and Niko came in with a smile, holding the door open. Miranda and June hesitated in the doorway.
June, my little baby, approached me first, rushing towards me and jumping into my arms, asking, “Aunt Zee, are you sick?”
He climbed onto my bed; his small frame cruelly oblivious to the dark reality suffocating the room. And I simply offered a faint smile, hugging him, attempting to shield him from me. “Yes, sweetheart, but I’m getting better now. I’m taking medicine to heal.”
Miranda couldn’t contain the tears that welled up in her eyes. She approached silently, relief and sadness playing on her features, brutally mirroring the consequences of my actions.
“Zee, my god, I was so scared.” she whispered, her voice breaking as she leaned in and kissed my forehead repeatedly.
She wiped away a tear, her gaze fixed on me. “I want you to know that I’m here anytime, any moment, for anything.”
