Page 311 of Nemesync
After a few minutes, the boys came back. Ben leaned close to me before gently stroking my hair, “Be careful, Zee. Last time I saw you, you were dying. I don’t want you to put yourself through that again, okay?”
I nodded and smiled at him. My head still felt heavy, but I didn’t sense any serious injury. Niko came next and sat beside me, burying his head in his hands. “Little Z, for God’s sake, what happened? Why were you there?”
I looked straight ahead, avoiding Elijah’s gaze as he leaned against the wall, his stare heavy on me. “Brian found out about a shooting happening in the restaurant where you were. I just grabbed my gun and came to see if you were okay. That’s where she was waiting for me.”
Breathe, Zanae. Breathe.
I turned toward Niko, only to find him smiling—a mixture of relief and pride. “You didn’t have to do this, Z. Really, putting yourself in this kind of situation is more nerve-wracking for us than the situation itself.”
In his eyes I felt like he was managing me, because he knew that our discussion with Elijah wouldn’t be that easy. “I’m not just someone you protect; I’m also your associate in this. I may be less trained, less experienced than you two, but I’ll never be less loyal.”
“You’re right, Princess.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and added, “I should go. Call me if anything’s wrong.” With that, he rose and headed toward the elevator, nodding to Elijah as the doors closed behind him.
Elijah didn’t move, still leaning against the wall, his gaze fixed on me.
I got up and approached him slowly, needing to see his expression up close. I knew he was angry that I went after them tonight, but I needed to understand his thoughts on what my mother had revealed.
I needed to know if he still wanted to fight.
My hand rested on his cheek, and he made no attempt to move, his focus on my eyes as I spoke. “I’m so sorry, Elijah.”
His eyes flickered for a second, surprise filling them. “I’m sorry for indirectly robbing you of your own life. I’m sorry that destiny is still trying to kill our love. I’m almost sorry for being a girl. Your life could’ve been so much better if I didn’t exist at all.”
Taking a deep breath, I added, “You know what scares me? The thought that one day you’ll wake up and remember why you initially felt this way toward me. Perhaps my mother was right; I couldn’t even blame you if that day comes. I wouldn’t survive it, but I would understand.” I planted a small kiss on his Adam’s apple. “You deserved to have your mother with you growing up, and I’m sorry you didn’t have the chance to. But I’m unfortunately here, I exist and I love you.”
Feeling a stab in my heart at his silence, I withdrew my hand from his face. “You lost everything the night you met me, and I’m sorry for that, Eli.” I kissed the corner of his mouth gently, and begged, “Please stay with me.”
God, I felt ridiculous pleading for him to never leave me. But isn’t love something that drives you to act irrationally and absurdly?
“Stop.”
One word. And I could’ve imagined it. But when his eyes met mine, he said it again. “Stop.”
Elijah shifted, readjusting himself, and encircled his hand around my throat, then he crushed his lips against mine with a lot of anger.
He kissed me as if he wanted to punish me for being sorry, as if he wanted to suffocate me.
For the first time, he kissed me to prove something to me. I kissed him back, wanting to convey my sorrow.
We kissed to talk.
We kissed because our lips spoke a language unique to us, defying the limitations of spoken expression.
We separated to catch our breath, his hand still firmly around my neck, feeling my pulse following the length of his fingers, and his forehead against mine. As our eyes locked, he delicately guided me away, his voice icy and low.
“Don’t you fucking dare apologize, Zanae.”
He turned away momentarily, his jaw clicking and clenching from the weight of so many emotions. “Never again put yourself in situations like tonight. Never entertain the thought that I could feel any lingering hatred towards you. Never doubtmeagain.”
He stopped and tilted his head. “How could you think, Zanae, that I could ever leave you? How could you imagine that?”
My eyes widened, witnessing a state of emotion I had never seen from him before.
He was fuming and furious, yet there was raw vulnerability in his voice. “I don’t breathe without you; I don’t sleep without you. When you’re not near me, my body feels it. Every cell in me dances to the same rhythm as yours. Your pain, your wounds, your sadness—it’s a new kind of torment that I feel, and I’ve never hurt so much in my life.”
He shook his head before spatting, “I agonize in your pain.”
“I—” No words came out of my mouth.
