Page 44 of Nemesync
“Zanae, I know you think he’s some kind of case you want to analyze, but he’s not in a place for emotional entanglements, especially with someone like you.”
Someone like you, fucking broken and ruined, useless and weak.
I clenched my fists, trying to drown out the voices in my head, but they only grew louder, more insistent.
Fucking useless, broken, ruined.
He might be correct. I was still here, and she wasn’t.
My heart and mind are in such agony. Can I just pull them away from my soul? The pain is too much
I arched an eyebrow, annoyed and somehow hurt.
“What’s that supposed to mean, Niko?”
He paused, choosing his words carefully. “It means I know Elijah well enough to know that the collision of a storm and a volcano could be catastrophic. Don’t let the fire between you consume everything. You could end up hurting yourself even more, and him too.”
I absorbed his warning, the heaviness of his words sinking in.
I already had too many demons in my own head; I couldn’t afford to let the Devil add to the list.
But even as I tried to focus back on our sparring session, my mind refused to cooperate.
The voices gnawed at the edges of my sanity tauntingly, their mocking laughter drowning out everything else.
She’s dead because of you.
Breathe Z, just breathe.
Niko must have noticed my distraction, for he removed his gloves and approached me with a gentleness that caught me off guard. “What’s going on, Zanae? You seem completely elsewhere; I almost hit you with a punch that could’ve done some considerable damage on your pretty face.”
I met his gaze, feeling the emptiness even in my own eyes, “I’m sorry, Niko. I thought I could handle it today, but in the end, I don’t want to waste any more of your time.”
I slipped off my gloves, my attention lingering on the small scars at the base of my wrist.
She always found me in my room every time I inflicted that upon myself. She would just cover them and sleep against me, stroking my hair and hugging me tightly, without saying anything.
In a year I will be older than she could ever have been.
Nikolai delicately took my hand in his, examining the marks on my skin. His eyes widened slightly, and without saying a word, he guided me out of the ring and settled me on a bench.
But my panic only grew, the true Zanae laid bare for him to see.
He knows.
He knows I’m broken.
“How long has it been like this?” he asked gently, his voice dripping with compassion and sadness.
I gazed ahead, unable to face the pity in his eyes. “I don’t even know anymore.”
“I didn’t know… we didn’t know. I’m sorry,” he added softly, his grip tightening on my shoulders.
“You couldn’t know. It’s okay. Please don’t look at me like I need help,” I replied, feeling embarrassment and so much frustration.
“Listen, we may not fully know each other yet, but from what I’ve observed, Zanae, you’re a good person. You can reach out to me anytime—just send a text, and I’ll respond immediately.”
I met his eyes, surprised by his reaction.
