Page 5 of Nemesync
Fighting them would be hard but it’s for Luna. It’s for the only human that made me feel like my pain was worthy to be felt.
I didn’t feel like doing anything for her memory, knowing that I haven’t gone to see her since her death. I was scared of my own downfall, if I went there and saw that it was real, that she’s really gone, and I didn’t have any power in this. But I had to... right?
I took my keys and went straight to the cemetery without even thinking. I needed it to be done to make this revenge plan work.
When I arrived, my heart felt heavy.
I don’t know if I’m ready, but maybe I am?
I don’t want to, but I need to.
Go for it, Zanae, it will be good for you. Do it because you loved her and because you’ll always love her.
The cemetery was quiet, I just went in, searching for her grave.
I found it, and I felt my eyes start to blur.
This was hard.
I was hurt, and I didn’t know how to heal, I didn’t even know if I’ll be able to do so someday.
God, this was hard.
My friend was dead. She’ll never be here again, never smile, nor laugh. I’ll never get to hear her voice, to touch her or to see her face.
That pain felt like emptiness.
Losingherfelt like emptiness.
“Oh…Luna,”Breathe, Zanae. Breathe.“It’s the first time since you left that I’ve come to see you. The guilt is… it’s horrible. You’re not here anymore...”Don’t cry, Z, don’t,“When I saw your body at the morgue, it felt like a part of me had left with you. You were so pale, and– and you weren’t smiling.”
I could hear my heart shattering all over again,and again, and again. “How fucking dare you leave me? What am I going to do without you, Luna? You took my heart with you! How fucking dare you save me so many times without even try to do the same with your own self?”
She left me. She fucking left me alone. She abandoned me too. And I hated myself for that. Because I wasn’t convincing enough to make her stay with me.Iwasn’t enough for her to survive.
My eyes were closed, and I replayed our last memory together; she seemed so well. How could I have missed it? “Do you blame me? Because I fucking do. You were the only personwho ever loved me and I didn’t love you enough to save you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
My head rested one last time on the cold dirty stone, and I cried and cried, for a few minutes, maybe hours.
I thought my reservoir of tears had run dry, but I was wrong. “I’m sorry I let you die. But I hate you for leaving me. I hate you so much that I miss you like I miss life.”
A final agonizing stroke on her headstone sealed the promise that followed. “No one will replace you in my dead heart. I promise you.”
I stood up and looked at her grave one last time, desolation echoing silently in the cemetery.
My mind was broken beyond repair.
Glancing at my wrists, I wondered how I got to this point. “I hope you’ll forgive me. I hope I get to see you again in another life maybe.” My fingers gently traced her name, “The ocean is still filled with water, Luna.Always.”
Leaving one final kiss on the stone hiding her, I stand up and head back home. Before starting, I try to catch my breath, running my fingers over the scars on my skin.
Pain was fair to feel.
Before the pain, I only felt the worst emotions—loneliness, lack of self-confidence, a sense of nonconformity, as if I belonged to nothing in this world. But pain was good; pain was life.
Now, anger took hold of me—something so strong, so violent. The need for blood, the thirst for death flooded my mind, darkening my already shattered soul.
I don’t believe in justice, not in our world, but I believe in vengeance.
