Page 74 of Nemesync
What the fuck have I done?
I fucked up so fucking much I want to punch myself.
The bandage on my wrist…oh my god.
Last night, Elijah took care of me like no one ever did. The Devil himself healed my wounds.
Isn’t that ironic?
I hate myself for letting him see that part of me yesterday, the raw, vulnerable Zanae, the one so entangled with her demons that she resorts to self-harm just to make them fucking stop screaming.
It’s a battle I’ve fought alone for so long, my fucking battle. The thing with Elijah is, he never looked at me like I was broken.
Now, he might pity me.
I don’t want him to look at me like everyone else does. I want him to keep challenging me, to ignite the fire within me. To make me feel alive, and just touch me until I can’t feel anything but him.
I put on a long sleeve hoodie to cover that up, when I hear muffled voices. I hesitated at the doorway, catching snippets of a conversation between Niko and Elijah.
“I’m fucking telling you right now, Niko, we can’t take unnecessary risks, especially with her safety on the line. It’s not a playground, and if something happens to her, I’m going to turn it to a fucking horror movie.”
“Eli, she’s strong. This mission might just be the opportunity we’ve been waiting for.”
I inched closer, curious to grasp the gravity of that mission they’re talking about.
“Are you fucking insane Niko? It’s not just a simple reconnaissance mission, it’s an event with the worst kind of families. They’re—fuck. I can’t be there watching them looking at her like she’s a fucking doll.”
“We’ll be there to protect her if something goes wrong,”
Elijah is being so cautious about me… I think I’ve really fucked up yesterday.
I’m not always like this and even if I was, I need to do that to feel better, I need to find them and make them suffer.
“They just fuck and drink all night long. I hate these kinds of events. I know we can handle them, but with her, I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“True, but it’s a risk worth taking. No one would see her coming, she’s our greatest secret weapon right now, Eli.”
Breathe Z. Breathe.
“I want to be a part of it.”
Elijah shifted toward me, his gaze gentle and cold at the same time. But then, his eyes fell back onto my wrist covered by the sweatshirt I had. Nikolai, on the other hand, looked contemplative. I could see in his eyes that he was calculating the risks and benefits of my involvement for this mission.
“Are you sure you’re ready to meet that part of the underground world?”
I met Elijah’s gaze, hoping he would understand how much I needed this. It won’t be my first rodeo with these people.
“I met this part long ago. Don’t forget, this isn’t my first time with them. I was born into that world, studied it, worked in it and I’ve trained for this, Elijah, hell, you’re the one who trained me. Besides, if there’s a chance to gather intel and possibly recognize someone from that night, I can’t afford to miss it.”
Nikolai nodded and added, “She’s right, Eli. We need every advantage we can get. And we need a woman there too. She could play an employee for the event.”
Elijah sighed but agreed. “Fine, but I’ll be constantly near you, Nikolai is having a meeting there in the meantime. Understood?”
“Okay, I’ll listen to you,” I promised.
I can’t bear the thought that he saw me in my most vulnerable state but still took care of me. He’s the same man who hates me with all his being, but still wants me to heal.
Nikolai’s voice cut through my thoughts, “You’ll need to be dressed for the occasion. I’m going to take you there myself to choose what you’re going to wear.”
