Page 1 of Eternal
PROLOGUE
AZRA
“Daydreaming” by Radiohead
The human mind is so cruel.
When you're tired, it shows you beauty, even when you're suffocating in destruction and loss, like it’s trying to mend the reality you live in.Carefully.
I used to believe in beautiful things, too, before the world showed me otherwise. I dreamt of different worlds, different emotions, and different relations.
I miss that feeling.
That’s why I prefer daydreaming, because I can't figure out how to escape during my nights. Too busy thinking about things I shouldn’t think about, too busy worrying about things I shouldn’t worry about.
Daydream, Azra.
Sometimes, it’s too much. That’s when I reach for something to quiet it all, to make the thoughts tolerable. He’s the one who taught me how to stop thinking. Taught me thesubstance’s magic,as he called it the first time he forced it into my mouth,probably too young for this, but he said it was the only way to make the pain go away.
And so, I tell myself it’s to take the edge off again, just for tonight, but tonight turns into every night.
Is that why people love being high?Probably…
Because it does help, and I hate that I know it works. I think that humans prefer to rewrite reality rather than live in it, they prefer to build something softer than what they’ve known all their lives. That’s what I do, at least.
I’m no one, I haven’t known life, I’m only fourteen, so why am I so angry already?I don't know…
But that’s okay to daydream. I need a way to rest my mind, even if for a single breath.
My eyes are closed, not to sleep, but to escape again, because in my dreams, no door locks me in, not the one in my room, not the one in this house. There’s no voice telling me to hush and stay quiet, no rules holding me back.
Now I’m somewhere else, somewhere softer, where no one’s yelling, and I’m just...me. I hold onto that place because it feels like the only part of me no one can touch.
Daydream, Azra, and always remember.
I can almost hear the melody in my thoughts.
“I’m the iris of your world, pure and tender, and I have always been your breath.”
Her sweet voice is still murmuring these lines; she wanted me to learn them, to never forget. As long as I remember her favorite quotes, I’ll never be lost, and my mind is mine.
But then I remember… It’s not real.
I open my eyes, and I see him, he’s here. I didn’t even hear him come in, but I know it’shim, the door’s locked, and now it’s just us.
He starts undressing, and I close my eyes again. I’ve been doing this for years, finding a way to escape for a little while.
I don’t want to feelhim.Hishands,hisbreath,hisheavy body on mine,hissmell, the sound ofhim. I don’t want to play this game anymore. It was never amusing, ithurt, it always did, and I always bleed after he’s gone.
But I lay there quietly, trying to keep my thoughts away, dreaming that maybe one day I’ll have the strength to hurt him back, to make him feel what he’s doing to me.
He keeps moving, breathing heavily, and I want to throw up, I want to push him away.
But I’m just a kid. And he’s a man.
“Kept it quiet again, little one.Good.” His voice is cold, like it always is.
I did keep it quiet, I always do. Who would listen if I screamed? No one. Because his wife knows, and she doesn’t do anything.
