Page 165 of Eternal
I blink up at him, caught off guard. “What are you doing?” I whisper almost too surprised to say something else.
He smiles, barely. “You’re so cute,” he says, like it slipped out before he could stop it.
I freeze, mouth partway open, and just like that, I forget about the burrito.
“Please don’t look at me like that,” he says, voice low, a little rushed. “You’re really fucking adorable all confused and I can’t take it.”
Then he grabs my hand again, tighter this time, and pulls me outside.
We make our way to his bike, and I slide behind him, arms wrapping around his waist. In a few minutes we arrived at our spot, and the bench is still waiting for us.
This place saw us evolve, in a way. We started here a few months ago, awkward, unsure, pretending we weren’t already a little fucked in our heads.
We’re sitting there, side by side, with no one around, just like we did that first night, but everything feels different, warmer, closer. He hands me my food, squeezes my thigh quickly, but doesn’t say a word at first.
The cat's ears are still on my head, he looks at me once and laughs under his breath. “I still can’t believe youboughtthese,” I murmur.
“I still can’t believe you’rewearingthem,” he says, all smiling.
And we stay like that, eating in silence, while the city is celebrating tonight.
I take bite after bite, chewing slowly, trying not to think about everything that’s been gnawing at me. About what I’ve done. About what’s still left to do. I just want to be here. Not stuck in my head, not lost between the ghosts of my past, here, on top of the city, breathing, eating, existing.
With him.
Then, he speaks, his eyes fixed on the city. “I’m still searching for your name.”
Is he? I look at him, eyes narrowing a little. “Why are you so obsessed with me?”
He doesn’t answer right away. But he looks back at me, blue eyes so deep it hurts, like I could stay there forever, just being what they see.
And I hate that I want to drown in them, that I want to reach out, fist my hands in his hoodie, press my face into his neck like I belong there, like he’d let me stay there until my heart won’t hurt anymore.
“I’m asking myself the same thing,” he says, his lips pulling into a sad smile.
I scoff a little, but it’s quiet or maybe it’s scared. Scared of the feeling that his smile is bringing to me.
“Who did you kill tonight?”
I feel his eyes, waiting, watching, but I’m elsewhere, a place where thoughts are fighting against each other. I’m in my head.
I press my fingers into my thigh,grounding. But I can still hear it, that static in my skull, the void whispering back. I don’t know what will come out if I open my mouth, a laugh, a sob, a scream, so I don’t open it.
I just stare at him for a long moment and he stares back waiting for me to just say it.
“Someone who needed to die,” I answered, the words slipping out almost too detached.
His brow furrows slightly but again, it wasn’t judgmental, it was different. “What are you doing, Voron?”
I’m serving my own justice.
“I don’t know if you want to know,” I mutter, looking away, glancing at the stars instead. I don’t want to talk about this, about the things that haunt me, that keep me awake at night. But I don’t have a choice.
“Ido,” he says.
I swallow, my throat tight and I feel like the tiredness is winning tonight. I grab his hand in mine, it’s warm, large and protective, I don’t even look at them.
The memories flood back as I lose myself with him under the sky. Memories of nights spent under the stars with my mother, listening to her stories about them. About how each one had a name, how they all had meaning, I don’t even know why I’m telling him this, but here I am.
