Page 204 of Eternal
I want to cry… How can he be soft with me when all he’s ever done is lie? When all of this was never real?
But for the first time, I’m not floating outside of myself, for the first time, I don’t feel like I’m watching someone else’s body being touched.
I feel this. I feel him, and I don’t want him to stop.
“Damir…” My voice is barely a breath.
His thumb traces the inside of my wrist, the way he always does, like I’m something delicate, like I’m something precious.“You want me to kiss you?” he asks, as if he read my mind. I nod, unable to speak, because if I do, I’ll break.
His forehead presses to mine. “I can kiss you now that I can finally call you by your name.”
His lips brush against mine, soft, searching, and I shudder.
“I love your name,” he whispers against my mouth, like a secret, like a prayer.
I kiss him back, sow, desperate, aching.
I don’t know what’s worse, the way I want him, or the way I hate myself for it.
My fingers curl into his shirt, pressing against the open wound. He grunts but doesn’t pull away, if anything, he holds me tighter, like he’d rather bleed out in my arms than let me go.
“You lied for so long,” I breathe against his lips.
“I know.” His hands slid up my back, pulling me closer. “I know,Azra.”
He says my name again, and I think that might be the worst part, because I like it. I like the way it sounds in his mouth. I like the way it feels when he says it like that, like it means something.
And then I kiss him again, because if I stop, I might start crying, and I don’t want to cry, not for him, not for us.
His body is heavy against mine, the warmth of him seeping into my bones, making me forget. Forget that he lied, that I should hate him, that every touch should feel like a threat, not this, this slow breaking down, this terrible, unbearable craving.
I kiss him harder, like I can drown in this moment, in him, just for a little longer. His hands are on me, sliding up my back, fingers tangling in my hair like he’s scared I’ll disappear.
Maybe he should be.
His breath is ragged when he pulls away, resting his forehead against mine. “Stay,” he murmurs.
I close my eyes. “I can’t.”
He exhales, shaking his head. “Azra…”
I reach behind me, fingers fumbling for the small vial near my bed. I keep it there for emergencies, for moments like this, moments when I need to disappear.
His lips brush my jaw, his breath warm, his voice raw. “Let me take care of you,partner.”
Something inside me cracks as I press the needle against his skin. A soft prick, barely anything at all. He tenses, his hand grips my waist. “Azra…”
“I can’t stay,” I whisper, my fingers stroke his face as his eyelids flutter. “I need to leave. I have a mission too.”
His breathing slows, his grip on me weakens, he’s fighting it, but it’s already too late.
His lips part like he wants to say something, but the sedative drags him under, pulling him into sleep before he can finish.
I watch him for a second, just a second, then I get up.
The air feels colder without him against me, without his warmth, his hands. I push the thought away as I grab my bag, my journal, the blanket he once draped over me when he thought I was asleep.
I look at him one last time, his face is peaceful, his breathing steady.
