Page 209 of Eternal
“So kind,” I muttered.
“It's cold tonight,” his voice came, comforting. “Why the hell are you out here by yourself?”
I didn’t answer, I just stared at the dogs, my fingers curling tighter into the blanket as I let out a shaky breath. Viktor sat beside me, not questioning, not trying to know more. He knew better than anyone that sometimes, silence was all I needed.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said, “I’m fine.”
“You sure?” he replied, “Cause if you were fine, you’d be in bed, sleeping like a normal person, not out here, freezing your ass off.”
I turned my head to meet his eyes, but there was nothing to say. He knew, even without words, he always did, he knew what it was like to wear the guilt of it all, the loss, the pain, the scars.
“Men are shitty,” I added after a while.
“Do I need to kill Damir?” he asked without hesitation.
I let out a sharp breath, something like a laugh. “Tried. But he’s immortal.”
Viktor huffed, pulling me against his side. “I’ll find a way.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Always,Kroshka,” he said, pulling me a little closer, like he was tethering me to something that wasn’t so broken. “Besides, killing is a part of my job.”
I chuckled softly at that, and I looked at him, searching for something, a sign that he felt the same ache, the same guilt I carried. “Do you ever get tired of it?” I asked quietly. “Tired of… all of it?”
Are you tired of being so alone, so in pain?
He was quiet for a moment, his gaze on a long lost point in front of us as if he was calculating his answer, but then he looked back at me again, and I saw it, the tiredness, the same one I felt, the one that never really went away.
“I’m tired of seeing you like this,” he said softly. “Sometimes I get tired too. But then I remember I got you, Kat, the dogs. We’re still here. We’re still us. No matter if the world is still spinning around us.”
“Me too, I’m tired of being like this,” I whispered, more to myself than him, but I knew he heard it.
“I can’t help you as much as I would want to,” he said. “But I’ll stay here, sitting on these shitty steps and talk to you. I’ll always stay here.”
Viktor was always warmth and comfort to me.Family. I missed this comfort, I missed feeling safe.
“You can’t just run away,Kroshka,” he murmured. “Not when the person you want to run from the most is yourself.”
His words sat heavy in my chest.
I hated that he was right. I hated that no matter where I went, no matter how much I tried to outrun the past, I always ended up right back here, drowning in the same memories, the same ache, the same fucking disgust inside me.
I leaned into him, just a little. Not enough to admit defeat, but enough to say I needed this.
He squeezed my shoulder. “But if you ever do run, at least let me drive the car.”
A small, tired laugh escaped me. “You’d crash it.”
“And you’d still get in anyway.”
“Yeah,” I breathed. “I probably would.”
“Stop being afraid of yourself,” Vik said quietly.
I let out a dry laugh, shaking my head. “How can someone not be afraid of their own self?” My voice was barely above a whisper, but it carried all the weight of the truth. “She can’t stop being angry, Vik. She's crying inside my head, screaming how much she hates it here. She’s always in need of more. And the worst part?” I turned to meet his gaze, shadows flickering in my eyes. “She feels powerful after letting it all out.”
“You think that makes you a monster?” he asked, voice steady, like he already knew my answer.
