Page 213 of Eternal
I can’t breathe. Ican’t?—
The blood is still running down my knees, swirling in the water, my blood. I watch it slip down the drain, and I wonder if it would be easier to let the rest of me follow.
The door of the room is open, I can see her. I don’t know how long she’s been standing there, but she is.
Her nightgown is pristine, pressed, her hair is neat, tucked behind her ears. She’s watching, not stopping it, not moving.
Her face is empty, like this is nothing.
Her eyes flick to my legs, to the blood staining the water, then to him, and she closes the door silently, as if nothing is happening, as if I don’t exist.
And I don’t, not to her, not to anyone.
I want to scream, but my throat is full.
He’s groaning, hands tight on my skull, forcing me deeper and it hurts. I can feel my pulse hammering in my ears, my head, my ribs where he kicked me, I can feel his nails digging into my scalp.
I can feel…
He yanks me off him, and I gasp, coughing, saliva dripping down my chin, my body folds forward, shaking, shaking, shaking.
But he’s not done.
“On your back.”
I don’t move, I don’t want to.
I want to disappear into the floor, melt into it, become part of the grime in the cracks, his boot connects with my ribs, harder this time and I fall, water splashes up, burning hot against my skin.
Before I can react, his hands are on me, pinning me down, holding me open.
I’m still crying when he finishes.
I’m not here…. this isn’t happening…
Hot, disgusting, painting my stomach, my chest.
I don’t move, I can’t. The shower keeps running, the water is still falling, the blood is still flowing.
And I am still here.
He leans down, grabs my jaw, and squeezes. “In a few days, we’re having a party.” His breath reeks. “You better learn how to be obedient.” His grip tightens. “Or I’ll lock you up downstairs.”
I don’t look at him, I can’t.
He lets go, spits on me.
Then he’s gone, the door clicks shut, the house is quiet again.
I am still here, still cold, still bleeding, still broken.
I curl up on the tile. Cry until my body won’t let me anymore, cry until the sound becomes silent, cry until the water washes everything away. Everything except me.
Theylied. Told me I’d be safe here. Theyalllied.
I hum the song again until I can’t hear it anymore.
“I’m not here… This isn’t happening…”
