Page 214 of Eternal
62
AZRA
“Glass Eyes” by Radiohead
Present
There’s a weight on my chest, not metaphorical, not trauma-induced for once. A real hand.
“Stop crying. You’ll make me hurt you. Be good. Be quiet. Don’t make this harder.”
No. Not here. Not now.
I blink, opening my eyes and letting them dart across the room, searching for him, for his voice, searching in the dark, in the places he used to lurk… but there’s nothing. The light is soft, and everything is still, exactly how it should be.
I’m not there anymore.
I’m safe. I’m safe.
The weight on my chest shifts, and I freeze.
And then, yesterday’s memories come back to me, I swallow hard, my body slowly relaxing as I realize the nightmare is over.
I whisper to myself, over and over, until it feels true, until my heart believes it.I’m safe now. I’m safe now.
A small, sleepy “Mhhh…” escapes Kat as she shifts beside me, half-awake. “Visha, your heart is beating too fast.”
“Kat.” My voice is muffled, barely there. “Your hand is heavy. I’m literally suffocating.”
She groans softly and pulls her hand away from me, but it’s too late, the familiar warmth lingers, and my pulse won’t slow. My mind is still caught in the nightmare, still hearing his voice, feeling that cold bathroom. Seeing the blood on the stairs. Smelling the stinky cave.
It’s not him. It’s not him. I’m not there anymore.
Kat’s voice, more awake now, cuts through the fog of my mind. “Azra, you good?”
I blink rapidly, trying to shake the remnants of the nightmare, no shadows, no cold, no bathroom.
“Yeah. Nothing to worry about,” I mumble, pressing my palm to my forehead.
She yawns, stretching. “You need to stop giving yourself heart attacks.”
I nod and take a deep breath, repeating it in my head:I’m safe now.
She groans but finally rolls away, stretching like a lazy cat, and I follow.
I slept here yesterday, Vik prepared my room, stayed with us, even watched Casablanca again before wishing us goodnight and left for his own room.
But Kat slept in this room with me.
I wanted to drink yesterday.
I felt the need to drown my thoughts in something stronger than my mind, something that would blur the edges, and maybe I’ll actually do it next time, just to stop the confusion, to quiet thememories and stop thinking about everything, about him, about the comfort I felt, the safety I felt, about the warmth I felt.
I wonder if Damir woke up confused, mad, angry like me. I wonder if he’s feeling lonely like I do. Trapped in my apartment without keys, because I literally locked him in when I left.
I hope he’s feeling bad.
I really do.
