Page 221 of Eternal
The engine roars to life.
I take off straight toward Viktor’s, and the whole ride there, I rehearse what I’ll say.
I’m sorry for being the way I am. I’m sorry for not understanding enough what loss made you do, I’m sorry for not understanding how the lack of love feels like because I never had it to begin with. I’m sorry for being stupid and cold. I’m sorry for being addicted and I’m sorry I can’t let go even if it hurts you that I lied, because I’m a man that only follows a path of mission. I’m sorry for not understanding soon enough. I’m sorry. I want you. I just want to take care of you.
Even though I know words won’t ever be enough.
Maybe she won’t listen.
Maybe she’ll slam another door in my face or stab me again and finish me this time.
But I’ll keep coming back.
Again. Andagain.
Until she understands… She’s not alone in this anymore, not ever again.
When I arrive, I see that her bike is outside, parked there like it always is, like she’s inside, like nothing happened.
That stupid sparkle of hope flares in my chest like a lighter held too long, it burns.
Please be here. Please be here and forgive me.
I start walking toward the doors, pain screaming through my side, but I don’t care.
I just need to see her. I just need her to look at me, let her scream at me, shove me.
Breathe.
I knocked.Nothing. I see her dogs outside, guards who know me, so I knock again, harder this time, practically slamming my hand against the door.
Viktor opens it, his face goes still when he sees me, not surprised. Just…tense.
“Where is my partner?” I ask, breathless.
He doesn’t move, Kat leans against the far wall behind him, arms crossed, lips pressed in that annoyed way of hers. She doesn’t say a word, she doesn’t have to.
Because I already know.She’s not here.
I brush past him anyway, I need to see it. The living room is quieter but presence is here, even though she's not.
“Where is she?” I ask again, this time quieter, thinking that maybe they’ll give me a real answer if I sound less desperate, pretending I’m not unraveling from the inside out.
Vik sighs. “Gone for a mission of her own.”
“Where?”
“She wants to be there alone.”
Think. Think.That’s what people say before they disappear, that’s what people say before they decide they don’t need you anymore.
“She left her bike.”
“Yeah,” Kat mutters. “Took the plane.”
Fuck.
I sink onto the couch, head in my hands, the smell of her still lingers in this place, faint shampoo, cigarettes and coffee.
