Page 223 of Eternal
“I hear him,” she said. “I hear everything.”
Even her voice was tired, and I couldn’t hear her. She threw up a lot lately, maybe she was just sick? I hope it’s not too bad…
Papa stepped in from the hallway, and when he talked, his voice was tired too. “Let me take him, Amane. You can’t even stand up on your own,” he said, walking toward her slowly before taking the small case Eren was in with him, and he looked at her with sad eyes, like she might break. “Go sit. I’ll change him and make him sleep, okay?”
She blinked at him like she didn’t recognize his face.
“I’m not stupid, Alexei,” she screamed too loudly. Alexei wasn’t mean to her, but I think she thought he was… “I know what you’re doing. You think I can’t handle my own baby?”
“No,” he said gently, “I think you’re tired, and I think you need help.”
“Tired?” Her laugh cracked in half. “Tired? You think that’s what this is? They’re watching me, Alexei. Every time I leave this house, I feel it. You don’t get it, youneverget it.”
She grabbed the bottle again. He didn’t stop her, just sighed and moved toward the baby’s room.
“Amane, when you’re done, I’ll wait for you and we’ll talk. We can’t keep up like this...”
She watched him leave, her jaw tight, then she leaned on the counter like it was the only thing keeping her standing.
I came in, holding Eren’s blanket. It was soft, and had animals on it, and my favorite was the black bird. I called it Voron. I know Papa Alexei said Voron means Raven in Russian, but I liked it when he called me like that because of my hair.
I look at her, and I want to brush her hair.
I missed when it looked like mine.
Hers used to be shiny andbeautiful.Shemade them look beautiful. On her, curls were pretty, so maybe the kids were wrong when they laughed at mine.
“You said my hair looked like yours when you were little,” I said, trying to smile. “And you said my eyes looked like your mama’s.”
She didn’t look at me; she kept staring at the wall.
“I miss when you sang.”
“Don’t start,” she muttered. “Please, not you too.”
“Can I brush your hair?” I asked softly. “Like last week?”
She turned on me fast. “Why do you keep saying that? Huh? You want to fix me with a brush and some stupid little song? I’m breaking, do you understand that?”
I didn’t, not really.Breaking? Is it her bones? Is my mama dying?
Breaking…How can an adult break? I didn’t know, but I knew the sound of her voice scared me.
“I just wanted to help,” I whispered.
She laughed, but her face looked like she wanted to cry. “You’re just a kid,” she said. “You think they won’t come for you, too? They know where we live. They know everything about me.”
I didn’t understand what she meant. I just knew she was scared, and it made me scared too.
“Pleasestop drinking,” I said. “You get mean when you do. I want the realyou.”
I miss the real you…
That’s when she moved. I don’t even know if she pushed me or if I slipped, but I hit the floor hard. My elbow banged into the cabinet, and my chin smacked the tile. The pain hit fast, and my eyes burned with tears.
When I looked at my arm, there was blood.
She froze. “Oh God,” she whispered. “No, no, no…”
