Page 227 of Eternal
But them… they hurt me and smiled.
What a cruel thing, giving innocence to a child, then watching them choke on it.
“Azra…”
I opened my eyes too fast, tried to blink it away, I tried to remember why I was even on this flight.
Oh yeah… Because I had a mission, because I owed them answers.
But I can’t even think straight, all I could feel now was the warm weight of the liquor crawling through me.
I used to be better than this. Didn’t I?
I stared at the empty glass, then looked out the window again.
Still gray. Still endless. Stilldead.
And I hated how much I didn’t hate it.
I kept saying yes to another glass until all I had near me was an empty bottle.
Somewhere in the haze, we landed.
I didn’t remember the descent, just the soft voice of the steward.
“A car is waiting down the stairs, ma’am. Hope you had a great flight.”
His smile was too nice, like he didn’t just watch me drink myself hollow, like he didn’t care.
“Incredible,” I muttered. “Thank you.”
I stood too fast, legs unsure, vision too soft around the edges.
God, I’ve done this before. Same sick feeling, same slow shame.
Only this time, I don’t have the excuse of being young or lost. I just… did it. Drank my way through the sky like it wouldn’t count if I did it up there. Like altitude made it symbolic, as if no one saw me fall, I didn’t really fall, maybe if I did it up there, it wouldn’t count.
As if being thirty thousand feet in the air made it poetic instead of pathetic.
No one sees you in the clouds. That’s the lie, isn’t it?
The steward offered me his hand, I saw it before it moved and stepped back automatically. Why did I flinch?
I never used to flinch, maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s because I know what happens when someone reaches and I don’t move.
The stairs felt endless, cold air hit my face like a slap as soon as I stepped out, it sobered me just enough to breathe.
And the moon… the moon was clear tonight, and I could see it so bright here.
A black car waited on the ground, the driver already out with the door open. “Voron.” He just said. And nodded before smiling softly.
We drove with the radio on and I just watched the city stretch itself under a navy sky. Vesper at night wasn’t loud like Vegas, it breathed slower, cooler. I liked it a lot.
Somewhere along the coast, we took a turn and the sea came into view. How pretty…
The window was cracked slightly, salt air slipped in, soft and clean, and I pressed my head lightly to the glass.
I’ve been to the beach before, but never just to be there, always with blood on my hands or weapons in my bag. Missions, dead drops, targets.
