Page 236 of Eternal
Maybe tomorrow, I'll pick it up again.
I stayed all day long watching Casablanca, again and again, called Vik and Kat to tell them about what I learned today and fell asleep.
67
DAMIR
“If I Had A Heart” by Fever Ray
Present
Vesper.
She was here.
Viktor didn’t give me much to work with. But I know the Pakhan and the Don were still based in the city. That was all I needed. Either she was visiting them or chasing her own leads for her vengeance. But either way, she was here, in this city, walking these same streets. Breathing this same air as I am.
That was enough.
The second I heard, I boarded a plane.
I didn't think about it, didn’t rest, didn't even wait for the blood on my shirt to dry, just changed it quickly. It had only been two days since she stabbed me and kissed me. Two days since she found out who I really was, since she told me her story and almost cried when I told her I would never leave even if shewanted me too. Two days since she let me kiss her and touch her like she just wanted to know what it felt like.
Just a kiss. A touch. A caress.
I had a meeting with the man behind the mission last night. The one who assigned me to stop her, to watch her, eliminate her, if needed, and I missed it. First time in over fifteen years I didn’t report in. No excuses, no contact.
I was too busy trying to understand what she was doing in Vesper.
They’ll call it a compromise or an emotional breach. They’ll reassess me, replace me, terminate if necessary. I don’t care, I didn’t go.
I stayed silent, burned the clock and booked a ticket instead.
I stitched myself up in silence, took some painkillers. I told myself it didn’t matter if I bled out.
She was the mission, she was the one I was supposed to stop. And I failed, I chose to fail, that’s the difference.
I didn’t report her name. Even when I found it, I kept it to myself. All the truths they’d been searching for in the dark, I found them, and I kept them. Didn’t send it in, didn’t say a word.
Because the moment I learned who she really was… I didn’t want to give her up. I didn't want anyone else to know her like I did, the only thing I wanted to do was kiss her.
I promised I’ll learn her name to do so, and I kept it. I called her by her real name and kissed her.
I don’t know if I hate her, I don’t know if I want to see her again or strangle every part of me that still feels the insatiable pull toward her. But it’s too late.
She made this. She didthisto me.
She cracked me open, gave me a name to crave, a face I see when I close my eyes, a voice I hear whenever it's silent, a person to miss.
You don’t get to wake up a man’s heart just to walk away and call it a casualty.
She stabbed me. Left me in her apartment, and now I’m here.
Still healing, still hurting. Stillhers.
I landed this morning, rented a place downtown and then called Lev after sunset.
“You know if there’s anything happening in Vesper this week?” I asked.
