Page 249 of Eternal
Her hand tightens around mine and she replies, “Then fight it again and again, never stop.”
And I laugh, half drunk, half confused, because she felt like the warmth I always chase. Compassionate, like someone who really wants you to never feel alone, and it's confusing.
I never knew people could be gentle with me, gentle in a way a stranger takes care of a stray dog, like a mother is gentle with a baby.
Tender.
“Thank you, Zanae. Has anyone ever told you that your eyes are comforting?”
She smiles again, confused, blushing almost shyly and she asks, “Why?”
“Because you have a warm soul.”
Her smile turns sad, maybe I should've not said that? Is it okay? Is it not?
“Oh I’m sorry–”
She stops me and closes her eyes. “Thank you, Azra. Have fun tonight, don’t overthink. And if you need a place to sleep, just call me. I won’t be far.”
And just like that, she’s gone, and I’m left in the middle of a crowd I don't want to be seen by, except for the one man who always sees too much.
But I don’t want him to.
Because if he sees me right now, he’ll see everything, the mess, the cracks. He’ll feel the weight of scars, hear the voice of every demon I’ve made my bed with.
He’ll look at me and see what Christian saw and abused. The cuts I carved to stay sane, to stay alive. The ones my mother left behind when she stopped being a mother and started being something else.
And Damir…Damirwould hate them too, wouldn’t he?
I need air.
I step outside, cool night, soft darkness. I still hear the music from inside, but it’s distant, like a dream I woke up from, drunk and confused.
Could be the champagne, could be the memories.
Could behim.
I take out my cigarettes, hand trembling just enough to annoy me, just as I flick the lighter, someone else beats me to it.
“May I?”
I glance sideways, Alexander, too polished, too clean.
“Are you following me?” I ask.
He chuckles, lighting the cigarette and holding it out to me. “Saw you slip out. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I laugh, a hollow thing. “That’s a lie.”
I take a drag, and it tastes weirdly better when I know it’s killing me.
He shifts beside me. “I like your eyes.”
I turn, facing him full. My fingers slide up his tie and I tug, pulling him into my space like it’s a trap.
“You’re nothim.”
He blinks, confused.
