Page 268 of Eternal
It’s because I like her. A lot. Because the moment I saw her I wanted to protect her from everything. From herself. From me.
“Your hands,” I murmured, taking one of her cold fingers between mine, feeling the chill of them like ice. “They’re always so cold. You don't deserve to be cold. I want you to feel... warm. Think about me when you wear these.”
She watched me, her expression strange.
“I know it’s not much,” I said, my voice quieter, “but I want you to feel... cared for. Even when you’re angry at me.”
Her eyes flicked to them, then back to me, she didn’t take them, not at first. But when I gently placed them in her hands, she stared down at them like they were too heavy. Poisonous almost.
Her fingers were trembling when she slipped the gloves back into the inside pocket of my coat. She pressed them there likeshe was trying to hide them from herself. From the part of her that wanted to accept it.
Her gaze softened for a second, just a fraction, like she was trying to understand. Then, without thinking, she leaned in closer. Her lips brushed against mine, just a hair’s breadth from a kiss.
I could feel the heat of her breath against my face. Her warmth. I almost pulled her in then. Almost let myself close the distance between us. But something held me back, her hesitance, her struggle.
I could barely keep the desperation in my voice when I whispered, “Kiss me and mean it this time.”
She leaned forward, brushed her lips on mine like it hurt to breathe. Like it hurtnotto.
But then she broke away, gasping softly against my mouth. “Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t give me things I’ll want to keep.”
“Azra, please,” I begged.
She pulled back, but barely. Just enough to make it worse. Just enough to leave me tasting everything I couldn’t have.
Her eyes were already wet. Her mouth trembled like she wanted to say more but knew she shouldn’t. “Damir,” she said, voice tired. “Don’t make me get attached more. I can’t. Not to you. Not like this.”
“Partner…”
I felt it in her breath, in the way she leaned in and stopped herself like kissing me would kill her.
Likenotkissing me already was.
“I can’t keep wanting something I’m not allowed to keep,” she whispered.
And fuck. That broke me.
“Azra,” I said, low, like a prayer that never got answered. “You’re shaking. You’re sad. And I fucking hate it. I hate that you think you don’t deserve softness.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, like she was fighting the battle inside of herself. I felt it. The war between needing someone to care, tofeel, and wanting to push it all away before it broke her completely. “Let me show you what it looks like. Even if I don’t know how, I’ll learn. For you, I’ll learn.”
Her breath hitched, and for a moment, I thought she might say something. But she didn’t. She leaned against me, instead.
And at that moment, all I wanted was to kiss her. To erase the pain in her eyes, to make her forget just enough to make it all feel like it was okay. Even if it wasn’t. Even if we both knew it would never last.
I pressed my forehead against hers, my hands gently holding her face. “You’re my beautiful partner, and I take care of my partners, remember?”
Her cold hands rested against my chest. And for a second, just a fleeting second, we were both safe. We were both lost. And I hated myself for wanting it to last.
“You need to understand” she whispered, so softly I almost didn’t hear it.
“I do. I really do…” And I kissed her then. Because I couldn’t stop myself. Because I didn’t want to.
But even as our lips met, I knew this, whatever it was, couldn’t last.
Her lips parted, letting out a shaky breath as if my words were a knife and I was pushing it deeper. She kissed me back then, but it wasn’t soft.
It was needy, desperate, like she couldn’t decide whether to push me away or pull me in. Her hands grabbed at the fabric of my shirt, nails digging in, and it made everything inside of me tighten.
