Page 340 of Eternal
“Pain is God’s punishment for sinful girls.”
“If you bleed enough, maybe He’ll forgive you.”
“If you let me, maybe you’ll see your family again.”
And I did let him. I let him because I believed him. I let him because I was stupid. Because I didn’t know better. Because I thought hugs were supposed to hurt. That love felt like bruises you had to cover up.
Because part of me still thinks maybe I ruined it all.Because I was a kid.
Maybe I let him. Maybe I asked for it.
Now I’m fifteen and I still hear that voice.Hisvoice.Mine. Twisted together. Telling me that I was the reason he came into my room. That I smiled too much. That I wasn’t holy enough. That I was never clean.
But now I know he lied. My family is gone. Dead.
And I’m still here. Still playing his game. Still bleeding in silence.
Still under him, still letting him use me like I’m not even real. Just skin and bone, not a girl, not a mind.
His cross swings against my cheek with every thrust. Cold metal, over and over. Like God’s watching. Like He’s right here, pressed against my face, but still not stopping it.
Not saving me. Not even blinking.
And I hate that I ever prayed to Him. I hate that I ever believed He might come.
95
AZRA
“Take Me To Church” by MILCK
Present
We came back yesterday, I didn’t even unpack.
He dropped me off at my place, asked if I wanted him to stay over and I simply kissed him goodnight and went upstairs. He smiled like he understood, like he knew I needed to be alone. To get my head straight. To get ready for the meeting I had coming.
The desert heat in Vegas feels thicker today. It’s heavy and clinging to my skin as I kill the engine of my bike and slide the helmet off. My eyes sting from lack of sleep. I had to rearrange my apartment when I came back because of the state I left it in. And it took me almost all night long.
Gosh I’m stressed and excited. Because this is it.
This is the last piece. The last fucking puzzle piece.
I keep replaying her face. Lena’s face.No,Emily’s. She changed her name.
The photo is still burned into my brain. The church hall, and her in the background, barely visible. Not looking at the preacher. Not looking at anything. Just… lost.
She was never there by choice. I know it.
I park near the coffee shop, an indie little place tucked between two worn-down thrift shops, and I see her. She’s changed again. Shorter hair, darker too. Eyes darting like she’s expecting someone worse than me.
I almost turn around. But I don’t. I step inside and meet her eyes through the window.
Emily.
I push the door open and she looks up. Her eyes meet mine. Neither of us smile.
She watches me sit across from her like she’s weighing something in her head, whether to stay or bolt.
