Page 361 of Eternal
They lift her on a stretcher and her arm dangles.
They let me ride in the ambulance.
Her hand flops near mine, I hold it carefully.
She’s sweating a lot. Her mouth opens. “Azra,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean…I was just…just tired.”
I squeeze her hand so hard. “I’m scared, mama,” I whisper. “I’m really scared.”
Her lips moved. “I’m sorry, baby.” Then she closed her eyes again.
That’s the first time she ever said sorry today. And it didn’t make me feel better. It made it worse.
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” I cry. “I want you to be okay. I don’t want you to die.”
She tries to squeeze my hand, but her fingers are all jelly.
At the hospital, I sit on a blue chair with sticky arms. My legs don’t touch the floor.
They take Mama away. They don’t let me go too far.
Sunny is still in my lap, soaked on one side. I don’t know if it’s from the rug or my tears or Mama’s hand.
I don’t talk, I keep staring at the floor.
Alexei bursts through the doors like he ran from the other side of the planet. His face breaks when he sees me. He gets down low and grabs my arms like he thinks I’ll disappear.
“I’m here,solnyshko.I’m here now. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
But I’m angry at him. He left her. He leftme.
“She’s not dead,” I say. “She opened her eyes.”
“I’m here. I’m here now.”
“I didn’t know what to do,” I whisper.
“You did perfect. You saved her life, baby.”
“She didn’t look like she had a life,” I say. “She looked like a ghost. And the flowers were dead. And the plate was on the table again.”
“I know.”
“Is she gonna die later?”
“I don’t know. But right now she’s alive. That matters.”
“Can she come home for my birthday?”
He looks like someone punched him in the face. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
I don't cry again, even if I really want to, I only stare at him. “I don’t want cake if she’s not home.”
He doesn’t answer, and pulls me closer, but I keep my arms down.
I’m mad at him, really mad. Mom was sick, and he simply left and told me to take care of her. She was sad because of him too, and I’ll be mad at him forever for that.
Later they let me in her room.
