Page 362 of Eternal
Mama is there, eyes closed, mouth open, a machine made her breathe.
“You gotta wake up,” I whisper. “I only want to know you’re still here.”
I put Sunny next to her shoulder and crawl into the chair beside the bed.
I don’t sleep, I keep singing to Sunny a song.
When she opens her eyes, barely, it’s still dark out. The nurse steps in and removes the tube from her mouth, then she hands her a glass of water, and quietly leaves the room.
That’s when Mom looks at me. “I messed up.”
“Youalwaysmess up,” I reply, and then I bite my tongue because it felt mean. “But I still love you. I don’t care if you’re sad and yelling and drinking. Don’t die, please.”
“I’m sorry.”
I hold her hand. “It’s okay, be home tomorrow, promise me.”
She doesn’t promise. But she closes her eyes again. And the beeping doesn’t stop.
And I stay there with her. Because no one else does.
100
AZRA
“Master Of None” by Beach House
Present
It’s been a week since I moved into Damir’s place.
The first night, I found out he had an entire board covered in pictures of me.
Me with Vik and Kat. Me training. Me at the party when we first met Me with the dogs. I was almost surprised he didn’t have one of me in the toilets.
I asked why he needed so many even for his mission, and he barely smiled, pulling them off the wall and tucking them into a drawer.
I wasn’t even angry. More concerned than anything.
But he kept laughing at my shock, said he’d keep them anyway, because I never let him take pictures of me willingly.
We’ve had a couple of small missions for the bratva but somehow it always ends the same.
HQ, food, that old bench.
Then home.Him.
He kisses me until I can’t tell where he ends and I begin.
We have fun. A lot of it. Funny how my body’s starting to crave his touch like it’s always been there. Nothing feels weird. Nothing feels wrong.
He’s cute.
He even followed me this morning when I went out for groceries. We got back, showered, and he left before me to make breakfast.
Right now, my legs rest on his lap, the big bowl of cereal balanced on my stomach. I barely eat, mostly lost in thought about tonight, and the nights to come.
I want this done. Done fast. So I can take a break. I need it. I know I physically do.
