Page 57 of Eternal
Maybe that’s why it was her favorite, it wasn’t about love; it was about sacrifice.
About walking away to protect something greater than yourself. And every time she watched it, she wasn’t remembering her own story; she was showing me what it means to let go, even when it breaks you.
I remember the way she’d pause it at her favorite parts, holding the remote tight in her soft and warm hand.
“Habibti… Do you see how much they fight for what they believe in?”
Or maybe she was asking herself that question.
When I asked her why we kept watching the same movie, over and over again, she simply smiled. “Because it’s the only story that ever made sense to me.”
The journal falls open in my lap. Her handwriting is still hers. For a second, I hold it.
It’s a random page, one of the first.
My baby was so fearless today. She ran around the garden smiling brightly. Her curls were all tangled but I didn’t want to break her happiness away. She’s five now. She’s growing up too fast and I couldn’t decide whether to scold her when she fell but started running again or cheer for her. I wish I could keep her like this forever. Brave, wild, unbroken.
I shut the journal quickly, taking a long breath.
The girl in that entry is long gone, now there’s only me. And a new someone in the equation.Damir.
I think of the party tonight, of the way his eyes followed me through the crowd, no matter what I was doing, he didn't look at me like the others. There’s focus behind those blue eyes. I know what that look means, it means he’s curious about me, nothing crazy, and maybe that’s why I don’t like it.
The thoughts swirl in my head as the movie ends. I close my eyes for a moment, leaning into the blanket’s coarse warmth.
There’s no one waiting for me at the end of my story.
Just this, me, maybe I’m like Ilsa. Except I didn’t walk away for love. I walked away for vengeance, for justice, and that means being alone.
And it’s okay.
If revenge is waiting at the end of my story, that’s enough.
Maybe my new partner’s eyes will be too.
17
DAMIR
“The Chauffeur” by Deftones
Present
Viktor
First Mission with Voron. Be ready in an hour at the complex.
First mission with her.
Good.
I take a drag of my cigarette, the smoke curling in my living room, seeping into the walls, the furniture, everything around me.
It’s the kind of thing you hate but still fucking crave, the burn in your lungs that reminds you it’s there.Always.
A bit like her.
She likes to smoke too, and God, it suits her.
