Page 1 of Ruarc
PROLOGUE
RUARC
I stand here glaring through the viewer, looking down at Deapra, the planet our princess and my mate, says my dead mam and youngling sister, who I had no previous knowledge of, are allegedly residing. Supposedly, they are alive and well if Kallen is to be believed, and that is something I cannot force myself to do. Hope can be the cruelest of double-edged swords if you allow it to fester. Kallen’s revelation has been echoing in my mind as I try to dissect it piece by piece to make sense of it. So far, I have not been successful.
In a single tic, my entire existence has been turned upside down, and I am having an extremely hard time dealing with all the things bombarding me at once. For orbital rotations, it has been the six of us brothers against the void. We all knew our place and responsibilities, and we behaved accordingly. Of course, we had our regular brotherly spats, and it was usually Slavic who always put us in our place, while Einar patched us up when a scuffle went a little too far, but now … they have found something that rumors are made of —the mythical ‘Starshine’.
Slavic has lost his mind catering to a feral female who fights and spews nothing but nonsense from her loud, foul mouth, while Einar’s small female looks like she might shatter into pieces if one speaks too loudly or brushes against her in passing. Then there is Murgul, who believes he is hiding his new obsession with the pale-haired one, but there is no missing the way his wild eyes search her out every tic of the rising.
If I chose to believe the markings around my neck, it would appear that I too, have a Starshine, but my mind disregards that issue, instead focusing upon the fact that I am losing my security and the normalcy of the life I built here on the Zenith.
Huffing in frustration I lean against the viewer, my reflection distorting the scene in front of me, and I wonder now that the past has caught up with us …
How much longer can I hide the monster hiding beneath my skin? I cannot allow the others to ever know the control I can force upon beings not of my blood. It is not natural, which meansI am not natural!
I hear the heavy footsteps of my brothers heading this way, and I turn away from the vista in front of me with my heart in my throat. As much as I pray Kallen’s words are true, I will believe nothing until I see it with my own eyes.
CHAPTER 1
RUARC
Strolling back onto the Zenith, my emotions are all over the place, swinging from deep suspicion to despair. Although I trusted that Bikar’s scans of Deapra were accurate, I had hoped that just this once, he was wrong. I wanted to believe that Kallen’s words are true. That my mam, sister, and all the others the Aynar held captive had escaped to Deapra. When she told us about our mam, hope flared brightly, burning through the darkness surrounding my heart, only to be completely crushed beneath its weight again when there was no sign of anyone planetside.
Kallen walks straight toward me with a hopeful look on her face. The sight sends a pang of guilt through me, but I shrug it off as fast as it arrives. I should have known she would be awaiting our return, but every time I see those marks on her neck, it angers me as the Fates constantly tease me with wanting something I can never have. Questions are written all over her face, but before she can speak, I hold my hand up, silently shaking my head no, before quickly turning away. I know I am running away like a coward, but I cannot bear to see her expression after she hears what we discovered planetside.
It should be impossible for Kallen to be my mate, given that I have always known our family was cursed. There was no other reason or explanation for the horrors or injustices that had been inflicted on all of us. Just when I thought we had escaped the notice of our God’s, that Velgriddix ship appeared out of nowhere and we find her … them, our mates. It is something none of us are worthy of, and even though the markings say it is so, I know they are wrong. I know the Gods of Ruk are mistaken about Kallen and I. The only explanation is that the evil Aynar fairies have somehow found a way to manipulate our genes to cause a ‘false mating.’ It is not like they did not change all of us except for Slavic, at a cellular level. I have not even told my brothers of the evilness they left inside of me because I am so ashamed. That is how I know there is no frackin way my emotions and need for her could possibly be real. An evil male could never be granted the divine blessing of a true mate … our ‘Starshine’!
Ignoring her, I continue walking away, knowing Slavic will inform his mate and Kallen about the empty dwellings we found and the fact that whoever was living there seems to have vanished without a trace. The most unusual part of all this is the absence of anything personal. There was not an extra piece of clothing, a plate, or anything except for a few rough pieces of furniture in the dwellings my people supposedly used as shelter. However, someone must have lived there at some point because the fields are full of produce, either ready for harvest or already past due. The saddest part was seeing most of it rotting on the vine due to a lack of care. There is no way anyone would have wasted the food from those plants unless they were forced to.
When we landed and no one came to greet us, we decided to split up. Each of us walked in a different direction through the winding paths and structures. In the beginning, all ourhearts were filled with hope that we would find a sign, or anything that would prove that Kallen spoke true. The only clue that something traumatic had happened was the sheer number of prints and impressions from the spear-like Velgriddix legs littering one of the main fields. From the abundant volume of damage, it seems to have been overrun by the disgusting bugs. I stopped at one of the drag marks, wondering if Kallen’s body had left this particular mark. When I realized just how many of these marks are scattered around, it makes me wonder why Kallen never mentioned that many others had been taken along with her.
Unprepared for an extended trip planetside, Slavic, Einar and I all decide to return to the Zenith so that we can come up with a plan on how to proceed. Especially since there was no sign of exactly who had inhabited the few dwellings that were left standing. The Gods of Ruk know I secretly want to believe Kallen, but with no proof, it is hard to trust blindly. After everything we have all been subjected to, trust is not something any of us dole out easily. Not even to one’s … mate.
I am physically and mentally exhausted from the emotions that have bombarded me since I saw Kallen again. I have no real way of understanding how to deal with them. All five of my brothers and I are a mess in one way or another, and until recently, simply locking away all feelings worked. It proved easier not to trust or care for anyone other than our family unit, thus preventing the past from repeating itself.
On the way back to the Zenith while Slavic and Einar talked about our findings, my mind cycled through the many unanswered questions. Are her words true? Did those mad fairies find a way to mess with our mate bonds? Did the Aynardo something to manipulate her mind? Is she a spy? Was she planted on that bug ship to ensnare us?
After all, we are known pirates, and that ship appeared out of nowhere on our screens. Did they use her as bait to bring us to this abandoned planet so that the Aynar could recapture us? Is the fact that its atmosphere seems to be interfering with the comm’s and all other electronics on the Zenith only a coincidence, or is it another way to hide a new laboratory? So many questions, and too few answers. But I will never allow that wicked race to enslave my brothers or me again, and I will take my life and theirs to ensure that it never happens. After all, they gave me the tools to wreak havoc on those who dare to threaten us.
Technically, if she was taken when she said she was, and if her story holds true, there is no way she should have been able to survive the Velgriddix as long as she did. Every word out of her mouth makes me doubt her more. I have also asked her several times about where they held her on Viri 9 after her sire was killed, only for her to change the subject. The questions keep multiplying, and her avoidance only makes my suspicions deepen.
My brothers think I am being overly cruel to her, punishing both of us unnecessarily, but things do not add up. If mam or my unknown-about sister had been alive on Deapra, I would love to believe that I would have begged Kallen for forgiveness, but I know the truth to be otherwise. I will fight this bond until the very end. I do not deserve her, nor any other female. Life has proven that all I have ever accomplished is failing the ones I was responsible for. The quicker we can find a way to break this bond, the better.
My hearts pound in my chest as I think back to how she looked when Slavic handed her to me on that cursed bug ship. I remember Falon opening the airlock, and it was like I became another being when her scent wrapped around me. Most would think that amid all the filth, dead bodies, and waste, it would not have been possible to pick her scent out. But it was as if I was possessed by something else as my mate bond snapped into place. I stormed through the hallways, searching each room, throwing tables and anything not anchored down out of my way as I tore the place apart, searching for my someone.
I can barely recall hearing Slavic or any of the others calling out where they were. But when I came upon that room and saw Slavic holding her, my instincts took complete control of my body, and I barely stopped myself from tearing my brother apart for simply touching her. I remember demanding that he give her to me, and once she was in my arms, everything silenced for just a moment. I instantly felt her every emotion, from fear and disbelief to awe, as she stared up at me. What I will never tell another is that when her amber eyes met my own, I lost my heart, and I have been struggling ever since.
I do not remember how we got back to the Zenith. However, my sanity returned when I reached the ionizer, where I ripped the few rags she still wore off her frail body, restarting the unit repetitively until I was finally convinced she was clean. Laying her on my bed, I finally took a breath and calmed down, knowing she was now safe in my quarters. Once she was lying there peacefully, I recognized her, only to realize what a sick joke the Gods of Ruk were playing on me. Lying on my sleeping platform was the princess I had watched many times from afar, Princess Kallen Dahar. The female I had judged all others by, the one I wanted but could and would have never approached.
Coming back to myself and this present moment, I start shaking. Stopping, I lean my forehead against the cool hull of the Zenith. My mind is recalling every cut, bruise, and broken bone that riddled her starved frame. Thankfully, they now all seem to be healing slowly, but horror still haunts her eyes when she thinks I am not looking. While her physical injuries are concerning, it is the emotional trauma that worries me most. Her skin, once a vibrant green, now shows the effects of prolonged abuse and starvation at the hands of those bugs. I wish I could go back in time so I could enjoy slowly tearing them apart, piece by piece, as they begged her for mercy. I was so deep in my mating fog that I did not even use my ‘evil gift’ from the Aynar to destroy the Velgriddix that tortured my princess.
I need to get hold of myself because my brain will not stop this constant back and forth, and it is driving me mad! One moment she is a spy, the next a victim, and now I am thinking of her as “my princess?” I cannot seem to understand all that happened to her or my role in it.
This was all easier after her rescue, especially when she relied on me to take care of her every need. In those quiet times, I could lie close to her on the sleeping platform with my eyes closed and dream of the possibilities. I will always secretly treasure those few moments of serenity that happened in the darkness. She asked me to sleep next to her for several rotations because she said I chased the monsters away.
At that time, I could not go far because she needed my help with everything, from being fed to walking back and forth to the refreshing chamber, as she was too weak to do it herself. I cannot help but smile to myself when I remember her requesting that I turn away and wait in the other room when she needed to usethe elimination facilities. She did not know that I had already seen everything the gods had blessed her with.
I am a horrible male because it actually upset me when she finally regained the strength to sit up on her own. I knew the rest would follow quickly, and she would come to realize she did not need me anymore. Still, when we were shut away from all the others, it reminded me of a peace I had not felt since I was a youngling. Due to the extremely poor condition she was in, she slept a lot, which allowed me to enjoy her being all mine. For that short time, she needed me as much as I did her, but like everything else, that did not last long.
