Page 20 of Ruarc
“No, and I refuse to solidify the bond for reasons I do not wish to discuss.”
My words have more bite to them than I intended, and mam’s face becomes thunderous in her ire. Apparently, my immense size compared to hers does not stop her from smacking me upside the head, making me feel like a youngling all over again.
“Ruarc, you gigantic fool! Since you were little, you have been overly stubborn and quick to distrust, but this time you are throwing away the biggest blessing ever to be bestowed upon our race.”
To say that mam is affronted and disgusted with me is a gross understatement.
“I do not know how to be what she needs, Mam.”
She opens her arms, and even though I tower over her, I tuck my head into her neck, simply enjoying the peace mam’s arms provide. “Listen to my words and then think on them deeply every time you doubt this blessing. Love is not the flutters you feel in your hearts when you are with someone. It is the brokenness you experience when apart. I did not raise cowardly sons!! You will not run from this and come out as if it never occurred; she will not be the only one broken.”
“Kallen has her collar hidden. How did you know?”
“I am your lifegiver, and it is easy to see the tension between you two. Even though you were listening to my every word earlier, your eyes never stopped watching the door for her entrance.”
“I do not want … to want her.”
“I know. Come sit with me for a moment while your brothers are distracted by the others who wish to speak with them.”
“I have not thought of this in lunar rotations, as life seems to suck your memories from you from time to time. But did you know when I was a youngling, I actually could not stand your sire?”
Shock renders me almost speechless, but after a few tics I find my voice again.
“What?! You always seemed strong in your heartbond.”
“Oh, we were by the time you all came along, but that did not happen overnight. It took a lot of effort and quite a bit ofcompromise on both of our parts to make it last and grow. I remember the first time I saw him, and we were probably not much older than Atasha is now. He threw mud on my new wrap, and I was so mad I chased him all around the courtyard, ready to scratch his face off. I can recall him turning quickly, bumping into me so hard we both fell. When I started crying, he panicked and immediately picked me up. He just stood there with me in his arms as I fought the tears, refusing to appear weak even though I was upset with him. I will never forget him looking down at me as he walked to a nearby bench to set me down, saying the words I was convinced marked me on the spot: ‘Shagar, you will be mine one day’.
As the rotations continued, he consistently teased and picked on me. Later, when we were much older, he confided in me that he did not know how to talk to me, so he found other ways to get close. I remember cuffing him on the back of the head, laughing at all the antics he had pulled when we were younglings, and I was able to see them differently after he revealed that truth about himself.
Your sire was older than me by several lunar rotations, but I recall coming of age and walking past the guard barracks when my collar appeared instantly. I ran home as quickly as possible because I had no idea what was happening to me. So, few of us were ever blessed with a heartmate, that I thought it was a fable. Your sire did not waste any time when he realized what was happening and who had triggered his. Before my lifegiver could answer half of my questions, he was beating against the door, demanding I come to him.
He was never a patient male, your sire. When I did not immediately fall into his arms, I remember him being furious, even threatening to steal me away if I did not come to himwillingly. Well, you know how it all worked out in the end … but I did not make it easy on him in the beginning. Son, what I am trying to say is sometimes the hardest paths forward are the most rewarding.
Come, we will let them rest while we rejoin the others. Your return has blessed this rising, and I am sure the others in the compound would enjoy meeting you all as well. A gathering will be prepared so that we can rejoice in the blessing of my son’s being returned to me.”
CHAPTER 12
KALLEN
The sound of laughter jerks me awake, and it takes me a moment to realize where I am. Looking down, I see that Atasha is still sound asleep, but her little fingers are locked around my wrist in a death grip. Her small doll, with its lopsided eyes and tattered clothes, is tucked between us because she is convinced it keeps the monsters away in the darkness.
I lay my head back down and just take a quiet moment for myself. If anyone had told me a lunar rotation ago that I would be back home resting next to Atasha, I would have never believed them. It is amazing how in a tic, your life can change from bad to good or vice versa. My stomach growls, and I hear a giggle next to me. With a smile on my face, I start tickling Atasha as she rolls around playfully on the sleeping platform. Her laughter lightens the darkness that seems to have been swallowing my soul lately.
“Your belly was so noisy it woke me up.”
“You had better feed me before it starts thinking little Ruks are on the menu.”
As we scramble out of bed, Atasha refuses to let go of my hand, and that is fine with me at this point. I am unsure who needs the other more. Walking toward the sustenance galley, Atasha takes the time to tell me all about this new home of ours. Several others are in the long hallways, and I receive multiple hugs and well-wishes as we continue on.
I hear small footsteps running up behind me, and before I can turn, I am practically tackled in a hug from behind. When I stumble, Atasha turns quickly, shoving whoever it was away from me before I can even react. “Leave her alone!”
Ruby backs up with her hands in the air. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Kallen, are you all right, honey? Where have you been hiding? I was just about to send out a search party.”
“No harm done, Ruby. I am fine, just lost my footing back there. Atasha sweetness, she did not mean anything by it and she was only playing. Have you met my friend Ruby?”
“I am your friend!”
“Yes, you are, but we can have more than one and I promise you are still my only favorite.”
