Page 23 of Ruarc
Einar smiles in reassurance but never releases my arm as he pulls me behind him. Shaking my head, I struggle against my emotions, as my mind yearns to lash out at everyone around me. He shoves me down into a seat, then someone sets a plate down in front of me. It’s been so long since I have had a dwelling-cooked meal that I hesitate to take the first bite until I look up and see my brothers practically devouring theirs.
The first bite explodes over my taste buds, and before I know it, I have cleaned my dish. Mam comes walking toward us with a set of plates on a tray. “I had a feeling that would not be enough to sustain the lot of you. Here, I hope this tastes like home.”
She places a small plate in front of me, running her hand over my shoulders as she passes by to give the others theirs. The small pastry in front of me almost goes uneaten, because I want to savor it forever. When I was a youngling, I can recall the house smelling like this when we would come back from training. Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift back to simpler times when I would ride on sire’s shoulders and play war with wooden figures on the floor with Slavic, while mam and sire watched. Unbeknownst to me, such peaceful times were taken for granted as a youngling.
“I will arm wrestle you for that if you are not going to eat it.”
Slavic’s hopeful voice makes me smirk, “Touch this Slavic and I will add your fingers to the menu. I was simply reflecting for a moment.”
Just as I go to take my first bite, music fills the air and surrounds us with a memory-provoking melody. Looking up, I see that the older Ruk males who escaped as well have crafted some homemade instruments, and as they begin singing songs that reflect our past, their loud voices fill the air. Atasha tugs Kallen up out of her chair with a massive smile on her face as she starts pulling her around and around. I am so focused on the smile on Kallen’s face that I miss my brother’s getting up to join in the festivities until Falon grabs Atasha in one arm before pulling Kallen in with his other.
All of them sway together as Atasha rests her head on Falon’s shoulder making my hearts shudder, and I see spots form infront of my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I force myself to look away as I fight against the monster within me that wants to tear Falon apart for even touching Kallen, let alone daring to hold her close. Someone pulling the chair out next to me catches my attention. “Ok party pooper, you’re so mad I swear I can see steam coming off your body. If it pisses you off so much for someone else to touch her, then why aren’t you up there yourself?”
Biting my lip to keep from snarling at Ruby, I swallow the inflammatory words that just came to my tongue. I do not want to fight my big brother right now, and hurting Slavic is the last thing I want. “I do not have to answer to you, Ruby.”
“No shit, really?? Because you sure as hell need to answer to someone. Kallen is probably the nicest person—alien, whatever I’ve ever been around.And you’re a huge dick, but for some reason that I’m not even going to pretend to understand, your god said you two belong to each other. Personally, I think she got the shitty end of this deal, but you, now you hit the jackpot, and you’re throwing it all away.”
“Go away, Ruby! There is no way you could understand.”
“You know, that just riles me right up. Why do you think I wouldn’t understand, because you’re a guy … another species …a jerk?!Please enlighten me so that in your eyes I’m no longer ignorant.”
“I am not worthy of her; Falon or one of the others would have been a better match.”
“Oh, you mean the man-whore? I mean, just look at Falon on the floor rubbing his junk on every female in the area. Yep, that’s exactly what Kallen needs, a male who would never be faithful.As much as I hate to say it, you’re the better option out of the two of you, if you could get your head out of your ass, that is.”
“Why do you care? This does not affect you.” Ignoring her comment about Falon and his promiscuity, it shocks me that my snarled response does not have the desired effect on Ruby as she neither drops the subject nor leaves me be. Her small face scrunches up in vexation before she snaps back at me, her voice low yet heated.
“Are you sure about that? Because I’m pretty sure that if or when you or Kallen die from this madness, your brothers and your mother are going to fall apart. Not to even mention that little girl over there who just got her best friend back. Can you imagine what she will go through if she loses her again? And you, you selfishass, that’s gonna affect all of us. You told my sister she was a bitch because she was going to let your brother die. I can think of several much harsher words to call you since you’re doing the same thing!”
“Kallen will be fine once I leave. The collar will fade, and she will be able to continue on.”
“Wow, you’re delusional! Okay, let’s assume that your leaving actually works? Just imagine how you’ll spend every cold night on the Zenith thinking about the man who stepped in and took your place. A guy who gets her smiles, her tears, and her love. He will be wrapped in her warmth while you grow colder. I hope she haunts you for eternity, you selfish prick!”
Ruby practically throws her chair aside as she gets up and stomps off, her anger with me evident in the stiff movements of her body as she moves back over to where she and Slavic were sitting. Music continues all around me, and as I glance around, I see many smiles and even notice several small human femalesjoining in the activities, but I feel like I am standing on the outside looking in.
Pushing to my feet, I fight the evil bastard inside of me who is whispering that I can make this all stop with just one word. All I must do is push my will out to the others here, and this madness would cease momentarily. But then I see Atasha sitting on Einar’s shoulders and mam being twirled around by Slavic. It is a sight I never thought I would witness again, and I try to soak up their happiness.
Falon has his arms wrapped around the two Ruk scouts, and the way they are looking at him, I know he will not slumber alone this rising. Kallen is surrounded by several females, all with concerned, caring faces, and I know that she is finally allowing herself to be a part of something. Feeling like an intruder, I turn and walk out of the room toward the outer cavern. The further I go, the more torn I feel as Ruby’s words echo through my mind. I stop, almost turning back, only to remember who and what I am. With heavy hearts, I walk away.
CHAPTER 14
KALLEN
Catching movement out of the corner of my eye, I see Ruarc stand up. He looks around, appearing lost in thought. I catch myself just as I step toward him, fighting the urge to comfort him when I know he will never accept it. The conversations continue all around me, but all I can see are his large shoulders slumped as he walks out of the room.
My hearts shudder, and I must lock my knees in order to prevent myself from collapsing. Each moment I stand here, I feel myself growing weaker, and with that knowledge, I decide to end this one way or another. Right now. Mam wanted me to wait, but I fear it has already been too long. My neck itches, and I swear I can physically feel my collar shrinking. Random pains make me wince as I quietly slip away from the crowd and all the well-wishers. The moment I reach the long hall, I make my way to where mam showed me the gathered herbs. Moving into the room, I send out a prayer that the gods will lead me safely down the path I have chosen, and I start gathering the necessary materials. After double-checking the amounts, I grind everything together; my mind focused on following each step as memories replay in my head. At the same time, I am constantlywatching the doorway, hoping no one will realize I am gone and come looking for me.
Finally, I have them all ground up, and just as I start to mix them in the filtered water, I hesitate.Should I do this?Now that I have the serum ready, my doubts begin. Shaking off any lingering misgivings, I pour the water in, put the plunger into the vial, and slip it into the pocket of my wrap. I walk out of the room before I can lose my nerve. Now, I am left wondering where to go. I do not have the option of going outside because I have no knowledge of the code for the ramp. I also cannot return to my room, as I do not want Atasha to find me if things go wrong. My spirit would not rest easily if she were to find my lifeless body.
The sound of voices coming my way forces me to move further into the cave system, until it becomes so dark I can barely see my hand in front of my face. Snarling in frustration, I turn back, checking each of the empty rooms until I finally find a lantern. Lighting it quickly I look back out the door, making sure I am still alone before heading deeper into the cavern. The further I go, the more the walls seem to be closing in on me. Without warning, my feet hit water on the floor, and when I stop, the smell of fresh flowers fills the air.
Curious, I follow the small stream of water into a dark and damp room only to find an oasis that I am sure has kept itself hidden until now. Setting the lantern down, I walk in further, staring up at the light beaming down through a crack in the ceiling high above. Vines hang heavy from the walls, blooming in a variety of colors, their scent strong, yet soothing. Steam rises from a large, overflowing pool in the middle, and as tempting as the water looks, I turn away, finding a dry area off to the side. Sitting down on the ground, I take a deep breath as I attempt to quiet my mind. I cannot believe I survived all that has happened to methus far, only to find myself facing down death yet again, but this time possibly by my own hand. Tears fill my eyes as my mind rolls around the what-ifs, or different choices I could have made that might have led me to happiness instead of this seemingly never-ending pit of despair.
I hated to lie to mam about the serum, but I knew she would have done everything in her power to stop me if she had known the truth. I know I will not survive the severing of the mate bond in my condition. If this had happened before the Velgriddix captured me, maybe … but now my chances are slim to none, and I am so tired of fighting for life. Not that I ever really had much of one. I have lost my entire family, most of my friends, and now even my mate. I am tired of life and the struggle of trying to be what others need me to be. I can no longer bear it.
Steam rising from the water drifts through the air around me, quickly coating my skin, and I shiver as the damp heat sinks deep into my bones. Closing my eyes, I grant myself a moment of peace in a life that has offered little of it, before pulling the vial out of my pocket and looking at the murky mixture through the glass.
Now that I have it in front of me, my hearts urge me to throw it away, but my mind insists that this is the only way to set him … both of us free. Setting it in front of me, I lie down on the ground and just stare, not really seeing the beauty before me, as tears begin sliding freely down my cheeks.
