Page 81 of The Importance of Being Emma
‘Look, we’d both been drinking, but I’d have thought it was a bloody sight more memorable than you’re making out!’
My mind went off at a tangent. ‘Did you wear anything?’
‘No.’ He gave a scornful laugh. ‘I seem to recall that you quite enjoyed watching me take everything off.’
I suppressed a shudder. ‘I meant, did you wear a condom?’
He flushed. ‘I didn’t. I wasn’t expecting—’
‘Oh shit! What if — ?’ I made to get out of bed, but his hand closed round my arm like a vice.
‘Where are you going? You can’t tell if you’re pregnant yet. And if you are, then you can’t just run away and pretend it’s nothing to do with me.’
Maybe that was true, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I lashed out at him, punching and kicking for all I was worth. It was futile, of course. With humiliating ease, he seized my wrists, pushed me back onto the bed and knelt astride me, completely in control. As we were both stark naked, it could have been, shouldhave been, a sexually charged play fight. But that was the last thing on either of our minds.
His eyes bored into mine. ‘We need to talk about what’s happened.’
‘Do I have any choice?’
‘Not really,’ he said grimly. ‘So tell me — why did you come to my room?’
I focused on the picture hanging on the wall behind him, a run-of-the-mill still life — two oranges, a bunch of black grapes and a carafe of red wine. My head throbbed as I tried to recollect my actions. But a disturbing image intruded: my fingers raking his hair as his tongue teased my nipple in the most incredibly arousing way . . .
I took a deep breath and stared doggedly at the grapes. ‘I needed Harriet to undo my dress, but I couldn’t remember which room she was in. When I heard her in here, I assumed that this was her room and came in. She went before I could ask her for help, so I asked you instead.’
‘That’s it? Nothing else?’
I looked him straight in the eye. ‘No.’
‘Then you certainly got more than you bargained for,’ he said quietly.
I twisted my head to the side and studied another picture, a Constable print, all serenity and sunshine. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not about to accuse you of rape. I must have been willing, I suppose.’
‘Yousuppose?’ His voice was raw with some sort of emotion — injured pride, no doubt. ‘God help me, Emma! You asked me to kiss you, even though I warned you what the consequences would be. You told me you wanted me, “so, so much”. When I was inside you, you begged me not to stop!’
He was almost shouting now, and I flinched as each word hit home. I couldn’t free my hands to put them over my ears, so Iscrewed my eyes shut. Tight shut. But still the accusations came, loud and clear.
‘Oh yes,’ he bit out, ‘whatever state you were in, you knew exactly what you were doing. And who you were doing it with. You called my name over and over again. Screamed it, in fact, when I—’
I felt my face flame. ‘That drink, Batty’s sloe gin, it put me in the mood. And Flynn wasn’t—’ I broke off, opened my eyes and glared at him. ‘Don’t you understand? There was no one else around.’
‘Give me strength,’ he muttered, releasing my wrists and getting up from the bed. Then, in a bored tone, ‘Forgive me if I can’t get too ecstatic about being a stand-in for Flynn Fucking Churchill.’
At that, something inside me snapped. ‘You’ve got one hell of a nerve, Mark Knightley! Wasn’t I just a substitute for Tamara?’
My breath caught in my throat as he looked down at me, his mouth twisted into a mocking smile. ‘Yes, you were.’ A pause. ‘Only not as good.’ And he went into the bathroom without another word.
A few seconds later, I heard the hiss of the shower. I scrambled to my feet, pulled on my crumpled dress and held it up at the front to cover my breasts. Then I found my briefs and my room key, dashed to the door, opened it and peered round to make sure there was no one about.
Head held high, I walked along the corridor, willing the tears not to fall until I reached my room.
* * *
~~MARK~~
The shower acted like a balm, restoring most of my sanity and bringing with it intense remorse.
‘Oh Emma,’ I whispered, ‘you must know I lied when I said you weren’t as good as Tamara. Why did you make me want to hurt you like that? Why did you have to mention his name?’
