Page 75 of Fight for Me
Lexie opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Drew reached past her and grabbed a chocolate chip cookie from the plate near her hand.
“I heard you made the meringue, by the way. I hope it’s good,” he said before turning and making his way toward an open seat next to Ashlyn and Tommy. Setting his plate down, he caught her eye with a smirk and raised his disposable cup in a silent toast similar to the ones she’d gotten from Colt in the past. The ones that always meant he had her right where he wanted her.
The roar of too many conversations suddenly wasn’t enough to drown out the voices that plagued Lexie in moments of weakness.
“What could you possibly have to offer him?”
“There’s nothing that makes you special.”
“He’ll be so disappointed.”
She was frozen, surrounded by the kind of family she didn’t know how to have—a family that had accepted her readily and without question. A family that hadn’t yet discovered what a disappointment she really was.
“There you are,” came a voice over her shoulder, and the warmth of Jake’s hand at the small of her back temporarily slowed her spiral. “Have you found a place yet? I saw a few open chairs by Jonah, but considering how easily he stole my girlearlier, I’m going to say no,” he said, laughing to himself. “What about with Hannah?”
Jake must have looked down then, because he paused.
“Lex, are you okay?” he asked. He dipped his head to put himself in her line of sight, and her eyes slipped back into focus on his face.
She forced a smile, deliberately keeping her breathing even, and nodded. “I’m fine,” she replied, hoping he wouldn’t press any deeper.
Jake furrowed his brow and scanned her face again before guiding her to a table where Hannah and Oliver seemed to be saving them seats. He set his plate down before taking Lexie’s from her hands.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he murmured. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and turned her into his chest like a hug. “I know this is a lot. We can eat in the house if you want.”
Eating in the house would not help. It would not change all the ways she would inevitably fail him.
“I’m fine, really,” she said again, pushing the words past a hard lump in her throat. After a moment, Jake relented, though she could tell he wasn’t convinced. Lexie sat down and started to eat, putting one forkful in her mouth at a time purely to keep from joining the conversation that sprang to life around her. If she could just keep her mouth full, maybe nothing damaging would come out of it. Maybe these people wouldn’t know exactly what a train wreck they were dealing with.
The voices in her mind got louder, chanting a litany of adjectives like stock market ticker tape.
Mediocre. Selfish. Ungrateful. Incompetent. Embarrassing. Exhausting . . .
She’d thought it was different this time; she’d thought it was real. But if Drew was right, then it was only a dream—a dream Jake had cooked up years ago and was only playing out the wayhe’d imagined. He could only see the girl he’d made her out to be—and reality would never measure up. It never did.
“Must be a nice view from that golden pedestal you’re standing on—a long fall, too.”
Jake kept his left arm across the back of her chair, his hand a steady pressure on the edge of her shoulder. Lexie caught a few odd glances from Hannah and her husband, and then from Brooklyn, who sat down later.
They’re starting to realize, she thought, her panic growing.They’re starting to see that something is wrong with me. That I don’t belong here. That I won’t fit.
Lexie felt like the water around her was rising, lapping at her face and pulling at her clothes. In a minute, she’d be submerged, drowning, unnoticed and forgotten in a sea of people. Her chest was too tight, and the flood made it hard to breathe.
Any minute now,she thought.Any minute now, they’ll see.
“Lexie, you did an amazing job on this pie!” Hannah said, giving her an uncertain smile as she lifted a forkful of the dark chocolate to her mouth. “I still can’t believe Grandma Ruby let you make it.”
“That pie is like a family heirloom. Nobody makes it except Grandma Ruby.”
“Have the tea towels monogrammed, because you’ll be one of us before you know it.”
“Only the best for Jake Tanner.”
“I need some air,” Lexie mumbled, pushing unsteadily to her feet. She saw the glances that went around the table, passed from cousin to cousin like a telegram.
Something is wrong with this girl . . .
“I’ll come with you,” Jake said, his voice somehow very far away, but Lexie shook her head.
