Page 80 of Fight for Me
“Well, it’s still true!” Olivia said, throwing her hands in the air. “Although, I’ve had my fill of dirty taxis. Can you believe Robin wanted to go home with that driver who picked us up from the ski lodge? The police would have found her in somebody’s freezer.” She shuddered dramatically, and Lexie rolled her eyes.
“It was a great trip. Let’s focus on that part,” she said.
“Was it, though?” Olivia continued as she followed Lexie toward her bedroom. “Because you’re still in the same funk you’ve been in for weeks now.”
Lexie hauled her heavy bag up onto her bed and unzipped the top. “I’ll be fine, Liv. I am fine. Just leave it alone.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t think I believe you.”
Lexie ignored her friend, instead opting to start the process of unpacking. She began sorting through the clothing in her suitcase, putting still-clean clothes on the bed and dropping what needed to be washed on the floor near her feet.
“Just call him, Lex,” Olivia finally said, breaking the heavy silence. “If it’s this bad, just call him. It’s been almost three weeks; you’ve punished yourself enough.”
“It’s not that easy,” Lexie muttered as she looked up. But Olivia had already drifted back down the hall, leaving Lexie alone with her thoughts.
She’d thought walking away from Jake would be like walking away from every other broken relationship she’d ever had. She’d thought it would sting for a few days before fading into a dull ache that gradually dissipated as she lost herself in other things. But burying herself in final exams hadn’t helped. Flying across the country and spending four days in the Rocky Mountains hadn’t helped. Even forcing herself to flirt with strangers hadn’t helped.
Nothing would erase the memory of Jake’s warmth leaving her skin as he’d let go that last time or the blank look on his face as she’d driven away. She’d done her best to make him see thatshe wasn’t what he wanted, that she wouldn’t fit into his life the way he needed her to, and, apparently, it had worked. He’d stood there and let her go, and she hadn’t heard from him since.
It was the silence that really got to her—the gap that now felt unbridgeable. She’d picked up her phone so many times to share a story or send a photo from her trip only to remember that she’d thrown their friendship out with the bathwater. Just like always, she had ruined everything.
But she’d kept him from wasting his life on her, and that was what really mattered.
Her hand closed over the sleeve of a faded red sweatshirt near the bottom of her large suitcase, and her chest tightened. She pulled it out with care, and her heart fell as Olivia’s high school crest came into view. This wasn’t what she’d thought it was. Of course it wasn’t. Jake’s hoodie was still buried in her smaller weekend bag, the one she’d stuffed into her closet the moment she’d returned from Tanner Farm. She’d only removed the bare necessities, choosing to leave the rest of that memory tucked away where she wouldn’t have to look at it.
Just one second...her mind taunted, urging her toward her closet.Just one look. Just see if it still smells like him. Just check, then you can put it back...
Lexie eased her closet door open and rummaged behind her hamper for the crumpled duffel, pulling it out by the straps. She sat cross-legged on the carpet of her bedroom floor and slowly removed several soft sweaters and a pair of old jeans. But instead of finding what she was looking for, her fingers brushed against something hard along the bottom of the bag.
It was a box. A flat, white box, maybe eight inches square and tied with a wide, green ribbon. The front was plain except for two words in a familiar scrawl.
For you.
Lexie’s fingers hovered over the gift, and she paused for a moment, frozen in both fear and anticipation. Whatever this was, it was frombefore. She took a long breath and let the satin ribbon slide between her fingers. Finally, she tugged it free, lifted the box’s lid and pulled out a white photo album with the letter L etched into the cover in curling script. She opened it with shaking hands and took a sharp breath, looking down at what had to be the worst picture ever taken of her.
She recognized it immediately. It was one Jake had snapped while testing his camera before an interview. Her eyes were crossed, and her neck was bent at an odd angle, her tongue sticking out to one side as she did her best to distract him.
Lexie cocked her head, confused. Why had he kept such a terrible photo? She turned the page, and on the back of the image she found Jake’s handwriting.
You are hilarious.
Lexie swallowed past the lump in her throat as she traced the letters with her eyes. She could hear him beside her, laughing as he had that day, his face full of affection. He was still just her friend back then; he had always been her friend. Even when she’d felt most alone, Jake had always been there.
Her eyes jumped to the second photo, which showed her holding up a local newspaper and pointing to an article that held her byline. She was beaming.
You are talented, the back said.
She flipped through page after page, finding pictures of herself working at her desk, catching her first fish, and twirling through the autumn sunshine. In some, she was smiling; in others, she was deep in thought. In another, she was clearly angry, though now she couldn’t remember why. One captured her dismay after an acorn had fallen directly into her smoothie. Another showed her looking straight up, probably into the bell tower.
They all had something written on the back.
You are incredible.
You are brilliant.
You are beautiful.
You are more than enough.
