Page 30 of Hat Trick
But she already knows that. She sees me more than anyone else has in a long time. No. Emily's problem is within herself. I knew what it was like to change and no one around you believes in the change. I wonder how she's changed that no one recognizes.
She holds one of my cheeks in her hand and kisses my temple.
I spend the rest of my night vaguely listening in on the conversation, but really just imagining a future with Emily in it. I think of dates I can take her on, introducing her to my parents, the off-season vacations with her. I imagine being the man she needs me to be. The man she deserves.
Chapter seventeen
Carter
Living in Charlotte, North Carolina means we're too far from a beach to enjoy a beach day. And while our season is mostly in Winter, it's still warm enough at the start to enjoy a day on the river. On one of our rare days off, one of the wives organized a family river day.
I park my truck in the gravel parking lot and open the back door for Annie and Emily. Em's looking sinfully good in a short sundress over her bathing suit.Focus Roadie. Fucking focus.Annie's in a one-piece with a frilly tutu like thing across her chubby midsection and a wide-brimmed hat. Emily insisted on it because Annie inherited Cedar's pale skin.
I grab the chairs and bag from the back of my truck and followed Emily, carrying Annie, to where the rest of the team has already gathered on the sandy bank.
This river isn't naturally sandy, but the local town trucked in sand to make it an attraction. The river is wide here, and mostly waist-deep except for a few deep spots.
A cluttering of chairs and wives and kids dotted the beach. Clusters of players kicked a soccer ball around or threw a football to each other. A game of chicken is happening in the water, girls perched on top of their boyfriend's shoulders. Novy's manning a grill, cooking hotdogs and hamburgers. The smell of charcoal and cooked meat a welcome smell. I greet Novy and Daniel, and Kenny and find an empty spot of beachline to set our things down in.
Luca and Gabe find us, flicking open their folding chairs as well and placing them around us. Emily takes a large blanket from the bag and spreads it out in front of the chairs, obviously for her and Annie. I love watching her work when she thinks I'm not looking. The soft curves of her body, her mousey-brown hair, the tenderness and soft smiles she holds for my daughter.
My heart skips a beat and flutters against my chest. For a moment I lose myself in a fantasy. My wife, in a sundress and bathing suit, with my daughter. That's how things are supposed to work out. Not that I had a wife or a child on my radar until after I retired. But some men did. It should be my wife coming to family day with me, not my nanny. Although, of course it should be Emily. She's as much a part of the family as Annie.
Emily and Annie blow each other kisses and laugh. Em looks up at me and smiles.
For a brief, bitter moment, I wish I hadn't ever slept with Cedar. I wished it had been Emily I'd knocked up. Emily, the mother of my child. I'd love her. Make an honest woman out of her. If I'd been casually sleeping with Emily and she got pregnant I'd have made her my wife.
But it wasn't. And that's okay (I try to convince myself). Emily's a great nanny, and absolutely part of the family. But then the darker part of my soul pipes up and reminds me that she won't be here forever. She wants to get her degree and start another career. I can already imagine the day she leaves us. How Annie's heart will break. How my heart will break.
How had Emily already become such an important part of my life? It was more than just her helping to take care of Annie. It's her. Hersteady support. Her confidence in me. Her calm. She believes in me. And I know I can lean on her for anything. She's already proven to me she'll be there for me with Annie, with my family drama, with hockey stress.
She's the pillar I can rely on. The one I didn't know I needed.
Emily picks up Annie and they head for the water. I'm up out of my chair before I realize what my feet are doing. I don't know if Annie's ever been in the water - a lake or a pool or anything other than a bath.
Emily senses me next to her and looks up and me and smile. Fuck, I'm addicted to this woman's smiles. She hands Annie off to me.
"Want to do the honors, Dad?"
I take Annie from her, holding her tiny body to my broad chest. I smile at her. She smiles at me. I wade deeper into the water while Emily follows.
The water touches Annie's feet and she pulls them up and squeals. I chuckle before retreating and putting her feet back in the water again.
Emily comes to my side, one hand wrapped around my lower back and one around Annie's. The touch of her skin on mine sends an electric current up my body. I want more. I want more of her skin on mine. I want to lay her beneath me, cover her with my weight, and worship her curves.
Fuck.
I can't get a boner while holding my daughter. I wade deeper in the water, hoping the cold helps to deflate my growing erection.
Annie giggles and I take my free hand to brush water over her exposed skin. I had no idea having a kid would be so rewarding. Every sensation, every new experience, I want to be there with her. I knowlogically, I can't, but because I hired Emily, I feel like I still am, if only by proxy.
We spend a long time in the water before retreating back to the shoreline. Emily grabs Annie's hands and starts to help her walk down the beach while Luca and Gabe collapse next to me in their chairs. They watch our two favorite girls go.
"Uh oh, I know that look." Luca teases me.
"What look?"
"The look that says, 'I'm falling for my nanny.'" I groan and rub my hand down my face.
