Page 38 of Hat Trick
I need to get out of here before I do something I regret. I go to stand, leaving him with the ice pack, but he grabs my wrist. He tosses the ice pack onto his nightstand and uses both hands to pull me to him. He scoots us down so we're laying. He uses the hand on my wrist to pull my arm across his chest and presses my open palm against his pec. The other hand presses my head into the crook of his shoulder.
And then he's still. I can hear his heart beating underneath my head, I can feel the warmth of his skin. The smell of his bodywash or cologne surrounds me. It's dark and spicy and his bed smells like a combination of that and his warm skin. I'm pretty certain he's naked but I don't dare throw my leg over his. I don't know what this is. Two sides of my brain war with each other. He doesn't like me. But he was just staring at me like he wanted to devour me. He doesn't trust me. But he wants me to cuddle him. Does he want me to spend the night? He's not making a move that he wants more. Maybe he was more rattled by the fight than he lets on and is just looking for comfort like Carter when we sleep together at night.
Before Carter, I haven't been in bed with a man since Chad and he wasn't a cuddler. Here I am, spending two nights cuddling twodifferent very masculine hockey players. But it was just cuddling. It's not like we'd had sex. Platonic friends could cuddle with each other, right? We're just lonely adults, looking for comfort in each other's arms? Right? Would Carter be mad if he knew? Would Luca?
I want him. I'm attracted to him. Who wouldn't be? Tall, dark and handsome, his body built for battle. His defined abs and thick thighs honed from a decade or more of discipline. Fiercely loyal and protective. He's everything my ex wasn't.
In hindsight I realize how much my ex gaslit me, how he manipulated me and isolated me. How he worked on my self-esteem until it was little more than self-distain.
As my mind spirals, I get increasingly frustrated. Fuck it. I'm going to shoot my shot. What do I have to lose?
Fuck it, if he turns me down, I'm no worse off than I am right now. Living with three gorgeous hockey players and sharing a room with Annie meant my options for 'self-care' were limited to what I could pull off in the shower. I was getting increasingly sexually frustrated.
I press my chest against his and press my hips into his side, throwing my leg over his. I lean up a little, kissing his chest and his neck, doing my best to seduce him. He's a man, after all, would he really turn down easy sex?
His big, meaty hand squishes my face back against his chest, stopping my advances. I make a little sound of annoyance and his chest rumbles with laughter. I love the sound of his joy, but the sting of rejection and the blow to my ego are too much. He doesn't want me. Not even for easy, free, no-strings attached sex. His flirting at family day must have been a fluke.
Tears prick my eyes as my lip trembles. I put myself out there and was rejected. Of course I was. If he wanted easy sex, there were any number of bunnies he could choose from. Of course he wasn't attracted to me. There were hundreds of women out there prettier and skinnier and more successful than me. Even with a busted lip and black eye. Maybe more so with a busted lip and black eye.
The hand palming my face moves back to my hip, and I use it as an opportunity to pull away. I'd embarrassed myself and would much rather cry in private than in person. It wasn't the end of the world. I knew that. I would be embarrassed and uncomfortable whenever I saw him for a while, but then my ego would heal, and I would be fine. I just needed the space and time to feel hurt.
He grabs my wrist again, though, and pulls me back towards him. I resist harder this time. I really, really, don't want him to see me cry. I don't want him to know how badly his rejection stings. I'm not sure he's ever been on this side of rejection. He probably got any girl he wanted, even in High School. And here I am, rejected by literally every man I'd ever remotely wanted. This is why it's easier just to give up.
His grip on my wrist tightens and I chance a glance at his face. He could see the pain in mine. I hung my head in shame and closed my eyes, willing the tears to not fall. He pulls me against him again, placing my hand on his chest and my head on his shoulder. The tears slip free unbidden then. He holds me to him and kisses the top of my head.
I don't know what the hell this is. He doesn't want sex, but he doesn't want me to leave. I'm exhausted emotionally and physically now. I give up the depressing spiral of my thoughts and close my eyes. He's not going to let me go without a fight, so I give up and let sleep overtake me.
Chapter twenty-two
Emily
"Well, isn't this cozy?" Carter's bright voice wakes me the next morning. I start awake, unsure exactly of where I'm at. There's a heavy, masculine arm draped across my hip. I rub my eyes furiously to see Carter, in gym shorts and a tank top resting against the open doorframe with his arms crossed.
Gabe groans and tries to pull me against him again, but I scramble out of bed like I've been caught. Fuck! Is Carter jealous? I didn't think this through last night. I'm going to get fired. I rub my eyes again to catch Carter's gaze narrowed in on my chest. I look down and see my nipples peeking through my sleep shirt. I cross my arms over my chest and will my heart to stop beating so damn hard. I need to do fucking cardio. This work out going from dead asleep to awake and terrified is probably not good for me. The room spins and black creeps into my vision.
I groan and drop to the floor, bending over to put my head between my knees.
"Emily!" Carter shouts before dropping down next to me. The panic in Carter's voice causes Gabe to jump up as well with surprised grumbled curses. Carter pulls me into his lap while the black retreats.
"I'm fine...just stood up too fast." I mumble. I push myself up and off of Carter's lap. Both boys are looking at me now with intense scowls on their faces. I'm so fucking stupid. I cuddled with Carter one night, and then Gabe the next. And I don't know what it means for either of them. Carter has every right to fire me, and Gabe has everyright to hate me. Luckily, Annie's sweet little voice pipes up from the baby monitor and I'm saved from any more awkward conversations. I push past Carter and into my room, where I shut the door behind me. I turn my attention to Annie before scooping her up out of her crib and cuddling her to me.
I lay her on my bed with a stuffed animal before changing into yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I sit on the end of my bed for a few moments, trying to collect my wayward thoughts. I needed armor. Emotional and mental armor. But I had no idea how to get there.
I look at Annie, whose looking at me with those wide bright blue eyes. How the hell could I help Carter teach her emotional strength if I didn't have it myself? How could I help her be the confident girl and confident woman she deserves to be if I'm not confident myself? My heart brakes a little for her as I imagine the trials and tribulations she'll have to go through. Bullies at school, boys breaking her heart, friends betraying her trust. Shit, I might not even be around to witness it if I'm about to get fired.
I sigh. The stress of the unknown - not knowing if I'd be fired or not - is getting to me. It would just be easier to rip the band aid off and get it over with than to dwell on it. Time to face the music. I scoop her up and walk into the kitchen to start prepping breakfast. Carter's there, arms crossed, waiting for me. I avoid his eye contact as I plop Annie in her high chair and start to prep her food.
Carter walks over and gives his little girl kisses on both cheeks and a syrupy sweet 'good morning princess'. At least if I am about to be fired, I know he loves her.
He turns to me. "Should we talk about it?"
I hang my head, still unable to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry, Carter."
"For what?"
I pause. I don't really know. For sleeping in Gabe's bed? For cuddling him? If Carter and I can cuddle platonically, can Gabe and I? Shit, this is why I don't have friends.
"Did you sleep with him?"
