Page 41 of Hat Trick
I know her ex did a number on her. I just don't know exactly to what extent.
My mom's words play in my head when Emily's words don't.
"If there's a good thing there, don't be afraid to chase it." and"I want that for you. I want romance, butterflies, falling in love."
Maybe that's why Emily's words don't sit right with me. I don't want to scratch an itch with her, I want romance, butterflies and falling in love. Could I fall in love with her?
Christ, she's probably the only woman I could fall in love with. Her loyalty, her devotion, her self-sacrificing nature. The way she sees me, the real me, and holds space for me to finally let my guard down after, what? A decade? With her I feel like I can breathe for the first time inmy entire life. Like life's challenges don't seem so daunting. She has absolute faith in me, in us. In our ability to tackle just about anything, together. I've never had that before.
Isn't that what a good girlfriend is supposed to do? A wife? Support her man, believe in him, build him up and let him breathe.
So, no. I don't want to scratch an itch with her.
And honestly, I'm not sure if Luca and Gabe do either. Luca's been following her like a love-sick pup from day one. It's not just about sex for him, either. And Gabe? Who knows what the fuck that asshole is thinking at any given moment.
But that declaration in her room. How he's going to claim her. How she's his woman. That's not just about sex either. But what does that mean for the three of us? Sharing a woman in bed wouldn't be a problem. But were we all trying to romance her? What if all three of us fall in love with her? Would we make her choose? Can I handle it if I fall in love with her, but she chooses one of the others?
My competitive side flares up. I'll win her heart first. I'll pull out all the stops. I'll show her everything I can give her, do for her. How well I can love her. Better than the other two.
But then could I stand by and let Emily fall in love with me and leave the other two? Gabe may be an asshole a lot of the time, but he's got a huge heart, and when he chooses you as one of his people, he embeds you into his soul. Could I let Emily choose me and break Gabe? Or Luca? They could never watch her choose me.
Christ. Gabe was right. This is a distraction.
Just then, Luca's goofy-ass grin pops in front of my face, almost causing me to trip and fall off the treadmill. I take out my ear buds and slow my pace.
"What crawled up your ass and died?" He asks.
"Emily."
He swoons. I swear to God, he fucking swoons.
"She's something else, isn't she?"
"She is."
"But why is your face like that? If you like her so much?"
I check around us to see if anyone else is listening, but everyone's got their own earbuds in and are concentrating on their own work outs.
"Because of what she said last night." I whisper, wiping my face with a towel. "It doesn't sit right with me. Is that what you want from her? Friends with benefits?"
He gives an unaffected shrug. I should have known he wouldn't be bothered by it. "If that's what she has to tell herself to let us in, I'm alright with it. We all know it won't be just friends with benefits for long. But I think the idea of the three of us dating her, falling in love with her, planning a future with her would spook her. You saw her eyes when Gabe talked about making her his woman." I did. She looked downright terrified.
"So, think of friends-with-benefits as a baby step. A way for her to get comfortable with the idea of all of us. I know her. She has a huge heart. There's no way she'll be able to keep things purely physical. It's only a matter of time." He laughs, rubbing his hands together like an evil genius. And maybe he is. He's absolutely right. Emily's the kind of woman to love with her entire heart. There's no way we could be together all the time, make love to her, be her friends and her confidants and her not fall in love.
Game on.
"But could she love all three of us? What if she chooses one of us over the others?"
Another lazy shrug.
"I think if any woman could love three people at once, it would be her. Look at how much she loved Annie from day one. And if she does choose just one, it'll hurt like hell, but at the end of the day we all just want her happy, right?"
Intellectually, I know this, but part of me still worries that she'll choose Luca or Gabe, and that I'll lose possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me and my daughter. Emily wouldn't let that happen, though. She loves Annie too much to ever let her go.
"We need to make it fair. We need to communicate with each other to make sure one doesn't have an unfair advantage. That we're putting her needs first. We need a game plan or set of rules or something. I don't want her or Annie getting hurt in this friendly competition of ours."
Luca slaps my back. "Yeah, man, of course. Annie and Ems come first."
