Page 81 of Hat Trick
Something settles over me. I've shut them out completely, afraid they won't fight for me. Afraid they'll dismiss me again, that they'll overcome their losing streak and realize they're better off without me. Especially now that Cedar's here to take care of Annie.
But by blocking them, I haven't given them a chance to fight for me. If they fight for me, or let me go, I need to know one way or another. I take a deep breath in and let it out in a sigh.
Tomorrow, I'll unblock them, read their messages, and decide where to go from here.
Chapter forty-seven
Emily
I'm still feeling the pang of resentment and self-pity when my phone dings.
I know I handled that first reaction poorly. I let all the insecurities, the distance, the drama of the press and Cedar get to me. It was like each of them took a chink out of my armor, so when Carter sent me away it was as if all of my insecurities and failings came back full force.
After my initial reaction, it took me a few days to process everything. What I was feeling. What I was doing. If there was a future at all where we could make it work. After I unblocked them, I see that all three boys blew up my phone the first few days, but after Sammy told them I was safe, it's been radio silent.
Is that how fragile our relationship was? That after a day of trying to apologize they'd just give up? That's all I'm worth to them? I didn't mean to cold-shoulder them, and I wasn't trying to make them prove anything to me. But I needed to know I was wanted. That I was valued. And currently, I don't feel either. I'm still confused, and hoping, that with time, things will make more sense, but right now I'm still hurt, angry and confused.
When I look at my phone, it's with trepidation. Do I want it to be one of the boys? Am I ready to face them? To hear their side of the story and decide what I will and won't deal with anymore? I don't know. I'm afraid if they apologize, I'll break down and give in. But if I do, won't that set the expectation that I can be sent away wheneversomething gets hard? That I'm still not part of their unit? That I'm still the outsider? The nanny-with-benefits, as the press so generously called me?
But when I look, it's not the boys. It's Sammy. And it's simply a link to a Titan's Facebook post.
"It's the 21st Century. It's called polyamory, people."
A rock lodges itself in my stomach, but I click the link and see the same set of paparazzi photos from before. God, how could Siobhan do this to us?
"As many of you have seen the last few weeks, Titan's Captain Carter Rhodes, Right Winger Luca Tavares, and Goalie Gabe Karrlson are in a polyamorous relationship with Emily Jones. Before they announced their relationship to the public, some slimy paparazzi caught pictures of their perfectly normal, perfectly happy relationship and tried to drag them through the mud. Shame on them, and shame on every single one of you keyboard warriors that had something negative to say about them. Especially about Emily's appearance. In this day-and-age we should be better than shaming people on the internet for living a life different from ours."
"She's the most beautiful woman we've ever met, both inside and out. I don't care what the public thinks, in our house, she's a Goddess and we'll worship her accordingly." Gabe says.
A silent sob escapes my mouth. But I continue reading.
"So where paparazzi tried to invent a scandal, what they truly uncovered was a happy polyamorous relationship. Which, in reality, is quite boring. So shame on them.
And for the rest of your keyboard warriors, let the Titan's PR team reiterates something your mama should have taught you: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
-Siobhan Hannity, Titan's PR
I swallow thickly, before wiping a tear from my cheek. The masochist in me scrolls down to the comments.
Danielle Cade: Good for her! She's won the NHL lottery with three of the best players in the league! #goals
Daisy Dobbs: Seriously, where can I sign up??
Lauren Collier: That's right! It's the 21st century! Modern men take note - a woman is worth so much more than her looks, and these men know it! They see a Queen!
Lynne Rotan: Finally! Men who can appreciate a real woman! Go Emily! (Can we be bffs?)
Gabrielle St. James: Gurl! Teach me your ways!
I smile gratefully. There are a few old men in the comments still complaining, but in the grand scheme of things they don't matter.
Is this why the boys have been silent? Were they working with Siobhan to write this piece? I can't believe the Titans defended our unusual relationship so much.
If we even still have a relationship.
This must mean there's still hope for us. This has to be an apology, right? I check the clock on my phone. It's an hour before game time.
Do I go and cheer them on? Or will that only distract them? Can I talk to them before the game? Would that only hurt or help?
