Page 82 of Hat Trick
Surely, they'll be able to play better with clearer heads?
Just then the doorbell rings and a young man in a Titans staff polo is standing on my front porch, a manilla envelope in his hand.
"Emily Jones?"
"Yes?"
"Siobhan Hannity asked me to hand deliver this to you." I take the folder with a 'thanks' and close the front door behind me. I flop ungracefully onto the couch and stare at it. A thousand scenarios play across my vision.
My termination letter, a lawsuit for inter-staff relations, a copy of the press release about the boys and I, an NDA, a cease and desist.
I wipe my hands down my thighs before opening the folder.
A Titans ticket falls out, but the hand-written pages underneath it catches my eye.
Princess,
Fuck. I'm so sorry. I fucked up. We fucked up. We took something beautiful, someone beautiful, and let her think she wasn't the most goddamn important thing in our life. I didn't stand up for you. I didn't protect you. The one person in my life worth protecting. I can't tell you how heartbroken I am. I can't tell you how disappointed in myself I am. That night was a turning point in my life, and I failed.
I miss you. I miss your skin. I miss your sass. I miss your smiles. Fuck, I even miss your smell. I've never loved anyone before. I didn't know what love felt like until you. But if this pain in my chest, the nausea in my stomach, and my inability to sleep, or eat, or think about anything that isn't you is a clue. I fucking love you, Princess.
I'm so fucking sorry I failed you. If you have it in your heart to try, though, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I'll never fail you again.
I love you, Princess.
Your Gabe
A strangled sob escapes from my chest. I clutch the letter as if it can hold the pieces of my heart together. They broke me. All three of them destroyed me. But I refuse to be a puppet in their game any longer. I need more than fancy words.
I wipe my tears and flip open the next letter.
Emily,
I'm afraid to call you my future wife anymore. Because I don't deserve to call you that.
For months before I'd met you, I'd been contemplating settling down. Finding the one. Starting a family. So, when I walked into our house that day and saw you, the epitome of everything I wanted in a wife, I fell. And I fell hard. I know it's foolish to fall for someone so fast. But you didn't disappoint. That day I saw the girl-next-door looks, your shyness, how you weren't after my money or my fame, and I was enamored. As the weeks went by and you proved to be so much more than I could ever hope for, I fell even harder.
And then you loved my friends. I wouldn't be who I am without Gabe and Carter. But instead of falling in love and coming between us, you joined us. You made all of us stronger, smarter, better. You made us better men. But we still failed you. I could spend days finding all of the pretty words to convince you to give us another chance. But my heart hurts too much. I wanted a wife. And the universe gave me you. And you were more than I could have ever hoped for. But the second things got hard, I lost you. I don't deserve you. None of us do. We showed it that day. I can't tell you what that's done to me. To lose my future wife. To lose my dream. To lose the best thing that's ever happened to me. Because there's no happily-ever-after without you.
Carter says we have to write you letters. Explaining how we feel. He wants to win you back. But right now, I don't have it in me to ask. We don't deserve you. I'm not sure we ever will. And it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.
Yours forever,
Luca
I can't stop the strangled sob that escapes from me. I double over, holding my chest and crying. This poor man. He put himself out to the world and the world shat on him. They boxed him into this pigeonhole and expected him to shut up and behave the way they expected. I still love Luca. Even if what he did hurt me. And regardless of the hurt, this man deserves the world. He's so open, and kind, and loving and honest.
My fingers tremble as I open the last letter.
Baby girl,
I'm not sure I still earn the right to call you baby girl anymore. But at least in my dreams I do. I'm the world's biggest asshole. The biggest fool. The biggest dunce. I had the woman of my dreams...no. Scratch that. Even I never dreamt of someone as perfect as you. I had you. Your caring, your compassion, your patience, your thoughtfulness. I had your body, mind, and soul. I had a best friend, a lover, and someone who loved my surprise daughter as much as I did. And I fucked it all up. That day with Cedar? I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to protect you, protect Annie, from whatever was about to happen. But I realized afterwards that that was the wrong thing to do. To say. You're as much a part of Annie's life as I am. You're as much a part of this family as I am.
Our little family unit - me, the boys, Annie and you? You're the lynchpin. You're the thing we all revolve around. You're the glue that keeps us together. And I'm so sorry my need for control made you feel like less than the center of my universe. Because you are.
I'm not trying to guilt you into forgiving me. Fuck, I know how that must sound. But you are. You're so a part of me, Annie, Gabe, and Luca, that I don't know how to survive without you. You're the only person in the world who sees me. I don't know how to survive without being seen. Without someone worrying about me. Without your sweet kisses and pep talks, and cuddles at night.
Fuck, Emily. I'm so fucking in love with you I can't breathe without you. I know a lot of nice words don't do it justice. But I hope...between my words and my actions tonight...you can forgive me enough to come home. I'm so goddamn sorry I ever made you feel like you didn't belong, or as if you weren't as important as everyone else in this house.
