Page 33 of Power Play
She speaks quietly, to avoid anyone else overhearing her. "Scott. I don't want him bullied into being with me or this child. That's not how this is going to work. He's made his choice; you can't punish him for that."
"The fuck I can't. I don't care whatever man-child shit he has going on at home, but when it comes into this arena and something that affects this team, you better bet I'm going to punish him until he grows a fucking pair."
He spins on her, directing his anger at her and in an instant, I'm pissed I'm on this side of the boards. She doesn't deserve his anger. I do. I want his anger back on me.
"Hey, asshole," he spins on me again and I flinch. "You don't speak to her that way."
I have no idea what I'm doing, but when Coach turns on me again, I'm grateful the heat is off of Lacey. I expect him to take a swing at me for disrespecting him, or trade me, or make me bag skate again, but there's a wicked smile on his face instead.
And then I suddenly understand. He's satisfied I stood up for her and wanted to defend her.
"Go shower. You're done for the day."
Frustrated, I stomp off the ice and into the locker room. I toss my helmet against the stall. I'm feeling out of control, running scared, and so goddamn confused. I can't tell which way is up. I can't tell if I'm coming or going. Will I be benched? Traded? Humiliated? What happens when it comes out that the kid might be mine and I refuse to take care of it?
I run my hands through my sweat-slicked hair. I could pay child support? Hire her a nanny? Help out in other ways?
I smack my tongue along the roof of my mouth. I still taste the faint hint of vomit. Gross. I pull off my gear, shower, and brush my teeth with my finger above the sink. It'll have to do until I can get home.
When I exit the bathroom, Coach and Ben are waiting for me. My hackles go up immediately. I don't need to be reminded how much of a failure and asshole I'm being right now. I don't need to be reminded that they're actually good men who do the right thing and I'm the fuck up. The man-child.
Without meeting their eyes, I go about packing up my things to leave.
Coach is the first to talk.
"I don't know why you're running scared right now, but I do have something to say to you."
I wince. He's not wrong. I am running scared. I pause, waiting for the rest of the dressing down. "But you're in this now. So why don't you explain what's going through your head?"
I sigh before collapsing on the hard wooden bench. My thighs are grateful for the relief.
I run my hands through my damp hair again as I try to put together my thoughts. Ben looks down at me, leaning against the wall, with an impassive look on his face.
"I wouldn't know the first thing about how to be a good partner. A good parent." I confess, staring a hole into the carpet between my feet.
"No one knows what they're doing until they do it." Coach replies.
"What if..." I look up at him with raw vulnerability. These men are going to raise my child if I back out. I have to be raw and real with them. They deserve it. They stepped up when I couldn't. "What if Ifail? I'm a fuck up. A man-child. You know it, I know it, everyone on this goddamn team knows it."
"Except for Lacey."
I wince. God, was I really going to let her raise my child alone?
But he's not done. "I know you think you’re going to fail, but you’ve got something a lot of guys don’t—Lacey believes in you. Hell, I’ve seen it. She doesn’t give her trust lightly, Jonesy. Don’t waste it."
I wring my hands together. I feel like a child being scolded. Anxious nausea settles in my stomach and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I'm getting lightheaded.
"What if she hates me at the end of it?" I whisper.
Ward's quiet, and it's all the answer I need. He thinks she will. Fuck, I feel hot tears start to prick my eyelids.
"But what if she doesn't?" Ben replies, finally speaking up. I look up at him to see genuine compassion in his eyes.
I have no answer.
"What if she ends up falling in love with you, and you fall in love with this child? What if it all works out in the end?"
I think about the scenario for a moment. I've never fallen in love with someone, but I think I believe Ben when I think it could be her. She's kind, caring, compassionate, and she sees me as someone worth her time. She trusted me with her body.
