Page 59 of Power Play
So, I swallow. And swallow again. Until the tears retreat, and I can breathe a little easier.
I rest my hand on her hard stomach. I want them. I want her. But I want to know I'mworthyof them all first.
The only problem? How the hell do I do that?
Chapter thirty-three
Scott
It's been a week since Ben's accident, and things have been tense both at home and at work. Injuries are common among hockey players, but we've all heard the stories of hits into the boards like that being much,muchworse. Like paralyzing you from the neck down worse. Like brain-bleeds worse.
And while I like and admire Ben, it's knowing how devastated Lacey would be if anything like that happened to him. It was watching her leap over the boards like she wasn't carrying our babies. It's watching her now, tense, anxious.
She had just started to relax at home with all of us. I feel like she'd just started believing in a happily ever after. Now she's clammed up again. Ben and Garrett don't know what to do with her, and they're looking to me for a solution, but I'm out of my depth here, too.
I can't tell her everything will be alright, because she saw last week just how it might not be all alright. Any one of us could pass any given moment. She could still lose the babies. But that's life, isn't it? We never know what might happen, so we need to live it to the fullest? Leave nothing behind every day? Leave it all on the ice, so to say?
Lacey isn't living right now. She's gone back into survival mode. And I hate it. The anger I have about her situation simmers under my skin, and I wonder if I shouldn't hit up the heavy bag in the gym when we get home. I'm not angry at her, but her situation, and the fact that I have nothing better to offer her than shallow words.
How can I show her that it's all worth it? That we're worth it. That life's worth it.
I hold her at night, but don't initiate intimacy. I know she's not in the right headspace for games, or even making love. She's scared. But God, do I want to pin her down and fuck her until she forgets what she's scared of.
Even at work, the mood is somber. The boys try to joke around on the ice and in the locker room, but this is Ben's first year playing pro. He did three years as a rookie with the Titans. The possibility that he became one of those depressing statistics hockey players don't like to think about - three games into his first season and an injury cuts a very promising career short - is tough for any of us to think about.
Ben's been at home for two weeks, but Lacey's come back to work. Everyone is tiptoeing around her and her change in attitude. And I don't blame them. She's easily fallen in with the team and the boys have happily accepted her as one of them. A teammate, a sister, to protect and tease, but even they don't know how to handle her.
And the need to fix it all has me much bitchier than normal. If that was even possible.
The drive home is nearly silent. The radio's on in the background, and Jonesy and I chat easily about upcoming games and the other teams' stats. But Lacey sits silently in the passenger seat, my hand held in hers, resting on her thigh.
At least she hasn't pulled away from me entirely.
We walk in the door, kick off our shoes and greet a smiling Martha. I've never been more grateful for her. She's been a feminine voice to lean on with Lacey, and like the mother, Lacey never had to her. She's warm and affectionate without being smothering. That's my job.
"Hey B?" Lacey calls into the house, walking through the living room and towards the hallway that leads to the bedroom.
She checks his room, then hers, then mine. "B?" Her voice is tinged with concern and that doesn't sit right by me. His truck was in the driveway.
"Maybe he's downstairs..."
I'm about to ask Jonesy to check when I hear a guttural sob punch out of Lacey. I'm instantly in fight-or-flight mode and run to her. She's on her knees in the doorway of the nursery. I take in the scene as quickly as I can.
Ben's shirtless, with dabs of blue and green paint on his chest, and he's removed one side of his large headphones.
"Lace.... I didn't hear you come in..." He looks regretful but not worried, even though Lacey is in tears on the floor.
I wrap my arms around her, tug her to her feet and spin her so her face is buried in my chest. I'm about to scold Ben for whatever he did that made her cry, but then I realize... he's put together the cribs and rocking chair. The white dresser that will double as a changing table and set up the baskets that will hold diapers and blankets.
And now he's painting a mural on the back wall. Baby foxes and bunnies and hedgehogs have been traced into a woodland scene.
"What..." I don't even know what to ask.
"I wanted to surprise you guys. I’ve been going stir-crazy at home, so I figured I could set up the nursery as a surprise."
"Why..."Why is she crying? And why don't you seem surprised?
Jonesy comes up behind me and peaks around my shoulder, nodding in approval.
