Page 72 of Royce
The things Cojak put me through were the same parts Royce healed. What man came into a pregnant woman’s life and catered to her as if the seed she carried came from his loins? None except for that one in a million and my husband was him.Iris raised him the right way. I made a mental note to buy her a little something, something as a simple thank you because he didn’t have to shower us with anything the way he did. That went for all things emotional, mental, spiritual, and material. Royce was the only one of his kind.
Seeing him be soft for Essence was one thing but witnessing him be even softer for Mama Rose had me ready to cry. He was spoiled rotten but damn he knew how to treat his loved ones with so much kindness and respect. You didn’t get that from men too often.
He finally sat back in n the recliner that sat next to the bed grabbing my attention. His face and eyes were bright red. He was hurting and there was nothing I could do to fix it. The love he had for Mama Rose ran deep and whatever was running through his mind, I couldn’t change. I had no idea if he’d already accepted what was coming or not. She was one of those hidden treasures he kept under lock and key. I didn’t think the day would ever come for us to meet her after he mentioned it that one time.
I didn’t want him hiding his emotions or pain behind her. He had every right to feel whatever he felt. She was a staple in his life so by all means cry and feel that frustration.
Standing, I walked over to him and sat in his lap. I gently cleaned his face with a Kleenex before hugging him tightly. I noticed he held Mama Rose’s hand refusing to let her go. He was exactly who she needed right now.
“Are you okay?” I asked him in a whisper.
“Nah, but it ain’t about me right now. She said she was tired, and we both know what that means.”
“Baby, how long has she been fighting this?”
“Too long, so I know she ready to be done with it. I hate to see her go, but I want her at peace. All this suffering she doing downhere… she can just go be with my aunt and OG. I’d rather her do that than endure that shit for us.”
“Did you tell her it was okay to go? If she doesn’t know you’ll be alright, she’ll keep fighting just for you.”
“I’m already knowing. Why you think a nigga in his feelings and shit? That was the first thing I told her when you walked away… She can go.” He lifted Mama Rose’s hand and kissed the back of her hand.
She looked at Royce and smiled one last time before closing her eyes. She was getting ready to go and I knew in my heart Royce wasn’t as accepting as he said he was.
“Baby, maybe we need to go ahead and go. Calling Senior up here to be with her during her final moments could be better. After all, that’s his mom,” I suggested.
Royce didn’t bother responding to me. Instead, he pulled out his phone and called Senior. I was glad he listened to me. He was already emotional, seeing her pass was going to break him. It would break anybody who was attached as he was.
“Ma ain’t got long, Pops. You might want to get here. Me and mine getting ready to leave from up here. I can’t wait for it to happen.”
“I’m on the way.”
Royce tapped my leg for me to get up. I stood and let him have his final moments with her while I got the kids together. I knew he was battling with this, but Royce voiced how he’d been here from the beginning. He wouldn’t be able to take it and that was coming from someone who lost loved ones that wasn’t even dead.
I knew he was in his head when he walked out leaving me and the kids back. I didn’t fuss with him about it because he had enough going on to begin with. I let the wheels down on Essence’s car seat turning it into a stroller then grabbed CJ’shand. We went in the direction of the exit with me unsure on what to do.
I was hurting for him in more ways than one. God, he was such a good man. I hated he was about to endure this kind of pain. I planned on trying my best to help him get through this hurdle. He was kept three and a half long months away from her and the time remaining was limited. Accepting your grandmother was on her way home took longer than that. The grief never ended.
“Mommy, is Royce, okay?” CJ asked.
“No baby boy, but Mommy is going to try and make him feel better. Don’t worry your handsome little face about it. Come on and let’s go home.”
Walking out the front doors, we took long steps to the car. Royce was breaking down inside bringing tears to my eyes. I let him get it out as I strapped the kids in the back seat. Once they were secure, I rounded the car to the driver’s side and opened his door. I reached down for his hand and pulled him out. The second he was out he wrapped his arms around my waist and brought me into his embrace.
“It’s going to be okay baby. She lived a good life. If she’s tired, you have to let her be. Her pain is worse than our grief. You did exactly what you were supposed to as a grandson, and I’m certain she’s grateful for that. Be as vulnerable as you need to. Me and our kids got you. We got you, baby.”
To feel his body buckle and become a weight against me, I knew he broke right then and there. This was a man experiencing pain no one could understand. I didn’t know the details of his relationship with Mama Rose, but that woman meant more to him than I realized. She was still alive… just barely, but he was grieving already. I was down on my knees with him consoling him the best I could.
“It’s okay baby. You were there for her and that’s what matters.”Dammit Royce. Don’t do this right now baby… please.
Sirens were heard at a distance as Royce’s cellular went off. We didn’t even get to make it out the fuckin’ parking lot before she cut ties with the living. For what it was worth, she believed she had a moment with her son before passing.
“Baby…”
“Just take me home, My Baby. She signed a DNR. Ain’t no coming back.” It was as if something switched for him. He was back on his feet riding the car to the passenger side.
Nodding, I took the driver’s seat and followed his orders. He ignored his phone for the umpteenth time by the time we hit the main road. There were calls coming in from Senior and the nursing home. Not one got an answer out of him. I didn’t blame him. He was accepting the events of the day and needed time alone. I wished they spared him once he got back to the compound. He was too emotional to be dealing with anything right now.
The entire drive, he held onto my hand. I had no problem driving with one hand since touching me seemed to sooth him. Thankfully, the kids were content enough to grant him some peace. However, pulling up in front of the crib, the family was outside waiting for him. I bypassed them and pulled into the garage.
