Page 131 of Playing A Risk
I scoot closer and stare deep into her eyes. “Instead of making that night about a lesson in control and trust, I would’ve made love to you instead.”
Her cheeks turn pink. “Oh, I didn’t know you separated the two.”
“Of course I do. One is about the build-up of energy, anticipating the next move, resulting in mind-blowing pleasure. The other is about connecting and sharing on a level that’s so deep that no one can describe it. It goes beyond pleasure. It’s where hearts intertwine, energy combines, and two souls become one.”
“That’s beautiful, Jami.” She turns her head and gets lost in a thought for a minute.
My gut clenches. Did I overstep a boundary? I give her space to think. Even if she’s hurting, she’s with Hunter. Talking about having sex with her probably made her uncomfortable.
“Hey, Dori. I didn’t mean to say something that would hurt you.”
Her focus comes back to me. “I’m not upset. I was just trying to remember if I’ve ever made love like you described. It’s sad, but I don’t think I have.”
“Not even with Hunter?” I want to slap myself as soon as I say it, but it’s out of my mouth before I can stop it.
“Not even with Hunter.” Her expression grows sad. “I’m not sure I’ve ever let my soul become one with anyone else.The closest I’ve ever come has been with you, but it wasn’t sexual.”
I nod, knowing exactly what she means. There’s just something about us that fits. It’s unexplainable, but it’s like our souls recognize the other.
A tear appears on her lashes. “We could’ve had that, couldn’t we?”
My heart fills with love. “Yeah, I think so.”
“I messed that up real good.” The tear falls, and she swipes it away. “You know, I’m sorry I shut you out. I’ve been selfish when it comes to you.”
“Why do you say that?”
She stands and walks over to her fireplace mantel. She picks up a picture of her family and stares at it.
“I’ve always seen you as a part of my family, Jami. Even when we didn’t talk for a while, I felt you. When I got pregnant with our baby…”
She takes a deep breath as if to calm herself. “When I lost our baby, I turned to Hunter and made you deal with it all on your own. I didn’t even ask you how it affected you. Then, when I found out about your son, instead of holding you and letting you cry on my shoulder, I made it all about me. I’m sorry about that.”
I get up and meet her by her side. I take the picture from her and place it back on the mantel. We stand before each other and I clasp her hands in mine.
“We all make mistakes, Dori.”
“Yeah, but some are more costly than others.” The weight of her statement hangs in the air.
The cost of her mistake is a relationship with me. And that realization is like a machete to my heart.
“Dori, it doesn’t have to be costly. We can still have it if you want.”
CHAPTER 34
DORI
Jami holdsmy hands as he stares into my eyes. “This will probably be out of line, but I’d hate myself if I left and didn’t say it.
“You have to know, Dori, that no matter what mistakes were made on your part, I forgive you. If you tell me you want me to stay so we could have a real shot of making it work between us, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”
I take in his words. I’m empty inside and in one of the lowest emotional states I’ve ever been in. My best friend and Jami are moving away, my boyfriend is possibly having a baby with someone else, and I can’t find happiness in any of it.
I drop his hands. “If only it was that easy.”
“Fuck, Dori, it can be. Why do you have to always make things so difficult? For once, it’s okay to be selfish and do what you want. What your heart wants.”
My heart wants two different things. Just because Hunter’s possibly having a kid with someone else, it doesn’t mean I don’t love him.
