Page 20 of Playing A Risk
I’m surprised she’s so upset by this because she’s already said she doesn’t want kids anymore. But maybe it’s because he has something she wants… I’m not sure I understand. I thought she was mourning her miscarriages again.
Confused, I say, “I didn’t think you wanted children anymore.”
She snuggles up to me and weeps, so I lift her and carry her inside. I take her to her room and place her on the bed before climbing in beside her to let her cry on me for the next half an hour.
We don’t speak much, but holding this space for her to release her sadness safely seems more intimate than if she were sharing all her feelings. On some level, I think she appreciates this more.
“Hunter, why don’t you want kids?” She pushes out of my arms.
My insides twist and knot. I press myself up so I’m sitting straight and take a deep breath. I’ve got to tell her the truth, but I’m not sure she’s in a place where it will be received well. She’s too fragile, so I swerve.
“My lifestyle doesn’t line up with raising children. I guess it could if I wanted them bad enough, but whenever I picture my life with the person I marry, I see us enjoying each other. Like traveling the world for as long as we want. Taking spontaneous trips for an extended weekend vacation doesn’t bode well for kids in school.”
She glances down and sighs. “Yeah, it doesn’t. My parents did that to my brother and me for a little while. Then they decided we were too much trouble, so we had caregivers who would come in while they were gone.”
Guilt forces its way into my stomach. “That’s what I would be afraid of. Kids are a tremendous responsibility. I’m afraid I’d fuck it up.”
She studies me for a moment. Her emerald eyes find my gaze. “I’m sorry if this is out of line, but I think you’d make a great father.”
My stomach clenches more, so I shift off the bed. “I doubt that, but thanks. I’m going to check on dinner. It should be ready soon.”
She nods and I disappear out of her room. I take some stabilizing breaths because the thought of telling her about Jack is terrifying.
But it must be done.
Telling her about him is the most risky topic and the secret could very well be my demise.
CHAPTER 6
JAMISON
Chuck glaresat me from across his kitchen. “You never discussed Aricin with Dori?”
“There was never a good time to do it. She was dealing with her miscarriages and I didn’t want to add insult to injury.” I sprinkle salt over the steaks I’m preparing.
“Aricin should’ve been one of the first things you talked to her about.”
“I know, Chuck, but I could never find a way to fit it into the conversation.”
“You don’t seem to listen to my advice.” He shoves a bunch of sliced mushrooms into the red wine sauce I’m making.
“What advice is that?”
“To work on your communication skills. This is the same issue you had with Dori on your first date. You leave out critical information and expect her to understand when she finds out another way.”
Like I don’t already know this.
Guilt stabs at my soul.
I take the steaks out to the grill to avoid his chastising, but he follows me.
“Chuck, no offense, but I can’t talk about that right now. I only want to know where she is so I can explain.”
“Any idea where that is?”
I open the grill lid. The steaks sizzle as soon as I place them on the iron to cook.
I shrug. “Melanie seems to think Dori’s holed up in her apartment and ignoring everything around her. Mel’s probably right. Dori’s style is to seclude herself until she has meticulously planned out her words.”
